


The Force Led Me Back To You

by JediNymph_G



Category: Star Wars - All Media Types, Star Wars Sequel Trilogy
Genre: F/M, M/M, No one is ever really gone, Post TROS, Pregnancy, Quote: The Force works in mysterious ways, Redemption, Sex, Star Wars Spoilers, rey left exogol with a little something
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-01-07
Updated: 2020-12-26
Packaged: 2021-02-27 11:14:12
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 22
Words: 39,128
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22156096
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/JediNymph_G/pseuds/JediNymph_G
Summary: ***************************TROS SPOILERS**************************************If you have not watched TROS and do not want the ending ruined for you, then avoid this.It’s been month’s since Rey went to Tatooine, months since HE faded away. But no one is really ever gone.  And Rey well she has sensed a new presence in the force, a force that seems to be growing within her.
Relationships: Poe Dameron/Finn, Rey/Ben Solo
Comments: 27
Kudos: 99





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> So this is my first fanfic. I started writing this because I like many others was left wanting by the ending in TROS. I didn’t feel I got closure. This is my way of getting closure for myself. Much of the inspiration to write most of the chapters came from songs I was listening to on my way to a holiday trip. If it helps you too, great. If not, well hopefully you’ll find a story on the archive that will help with that or you can create your own.

It had been months since the events that changed her life. When she found out who she was, where she came from. It had been months since she lost him, her other half. At first she never thought of it that way. At first she thought of him as a monster. Only a monster could kill his own father and feel no remorse. She said to her self that she hated him. He had killed the only father figure she thought to have.

Then came the force bond. Originally she found the bond annoying, but as it grew she felt more attached to him, even though she knew what he was. However, as the bond grew she learned he was not a monster, but a man who was broken by everything that had happened to him. Neglected by his parents, always reprimanded by his Master, and finally manipulated, brainwashed and ridiculed by Snoke or Palpatine as he was pulling all the strings. Just using Ben like a puppet that could be bent and manipulated to his will. 

And on top of all that, deep within was the remorse he had for what he did to Han. Deep within he was conflicted and breaking on the inside.

So, when Luke asked her not to go to him she defied him. Luke was partly responsible for what he had become and she had a feeling that she could turn him back. That’s why when he offered her his hand on Snoke’s ship she was tempted to take his hand. She could see Ben Solo deep within. However, that illusion faded away when he talked about taking the Galaxy together. He was still chasing his grandfather’s dream. The dream of domination. No she couldn’t take his hand then because then she’d become that which she was fighting to destroy. That was not the man she wanted.

And so she focused on becoming a Jedi, learn how to take the First Order down. It killed her however to sometimes see Leia’s sad face during her training. She could sense her sadness from being able to train her, Rey, but not Ben, her own son. But she was able to turn him back, in her last moments, Leia was able to reach her son and help guide him back to the light.

When he redeemed himself and helped her take down her Palpatine and brought her back to life, she had hope that she could finally take his hand and they could be together. That hope however was taken away from her in the matter of seconds. After he pressed his lips to hers, he smiled, a kiss and smile that are still engraved in her memory. As quick as that kiss transpired so did his life. He had given up his life force for hers and now he was gone.

It made her doubt whether she had done the right thing back on Kijimi or even on the Supremacy. She thought that maybe if she had taken his hand maybe, just maybe she’d be able to redeem him either way. She could have brought Ben Solo back and they could have defeated Palpatine together.

She imagined as if she was speaking to him, _Would you still be here? Would your heart still be beating next to mine if I had taken your hand? Was there anything I could have done to make things better?_

 _No_ , her rational side took over, telling her there was nothing she could have done, because regardless Ben would have sacrificed himself for her because he loved her. But now that he was gone, she was just someone that he used to love.

And so after reuniting with her friends at the rebel base on Ajan Kloss, she decided to come to this deserted planet. It reminded her so much of Jakku, however she preferred this place to that of which she came from. It reminded her of him, sure he probably never even visited the place. Why would he? It was his uncle’s house, the person who no matter how hard he tried he would keep disappointing. Yet, it was were she felt closest to him. She could not explain it, recently it was as if she could feel him, but not see him. No, the force had been cruel to her in that sense. If at least he had become a force ghost she could at least see him, talk to him. But no, it seemed the force wouldn’t even give her that. So, that’s why she felt it odd that all of a sudden she could feel this strange feeling growing within. It was as if she could feel him, like if his life force was growing within her. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Songs for this chapter: Before You Go and Someone You Loved By Lewis Capaldi.


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Ben has woken up in a desolate place and does not understand why he is there. The Force has sent a certain someone to help him figure it out.

When he saw his Rey, her eyes blank, her life force gone, he couldn’t take it. It was as if he was being torn to shreds and nothing could stop the pain. Not even the pain of knowing what he did to his father or knowing his mother was gone, was greater than the pain he felt.

He had to bring her back. And so he transferred his life force on to her. When she woke, her eyes were full of life, full of hope. Then she pressed her lips to his and it was the most amazing feeling he had ever felt. Feeling her lips moving against his was euphoric. He could have stayed in her arms kissing her forever. So when they broke apart, he smiled at her, it was the first time he had smiled in years. But all of a sudden he felt his life withering away, he had given up his life force for hers and he could not regret it.

So when he woke up in this desolate place he was confused. Where was he, he was supposed to be dead. “You’re not dead, not yet anyway.” He turned toward the voice and there in front of him was a man with piercing blue eyes, lightly tanned skin and long hair like his but the same color as that of his uncle Luke’s. He knew who this man was. _“Grandfather?”_

“Well I can’t say in the flesh, but yes it’s me, the man you have idolized for years, none of which I might add was deserved. For years you spent idolizing the part of me that was a fool. The part that because he was afraid of losing everything, lost everything that was dear to him.”

He felt flustered. _“You were the most powerful force user in the galaxy, aren’t you the chosen one?”_

Anakin burst out laughing, “Please, the Chosen One is a whole load of Bantha Shit. Your uncle, your mother, yourself, or Rey could have run circles around me.”

Hearing her name, even in death, pulled at his heart with immense pain.

_“Rey? What does she have to do with this? She’s alive, I’m not so what does it matter?”_

“Where you not listening, I said you’re not dead, not yet.”

 _“What do you mean I’m not... Wait what?”_ He felt even more confused.

“You’re not dead Ben.”

_“What do you mean I’m not dead, yet?”_

“ The Force is giving you a choice Ben, a choice it does not give to many.”

_“What choice?”_

“Well you could choose to fully die and become one with the force.”

_“Or?”_

“Or you could go back to the physical world, but that won’t be easy. Hence the reason you’re here.”

He could go back, he thought, he could go back and be with Rey. _Wait, why am I here?_

As if Anakin had heard his thought he said,“Search your feelings Ben, why would the force bring you here?”

He felt annoyed he was only getting more questions and no answers. _“I don’t know, what is this place?”_

“Look around Ben, what do you see?”

He held the bridges of his nose and sighed, _“I see nothing, it’s just dark and gloomy here. I don’t understand, if the force is giving me the choice to go back, why not just let me go back?”_

“Ben regardless of the good you did, you still did a lot of harm. The force will not just let you go without any consequences. There are things you need to come to terms with.”

 _What would he have to come to terms with. What did he need to do?_ Then realization hit him, _Atonement_. _“I’m here to atone for the harm I have done, aren’t I.”_

“Essentially, yes. You need to come to terms with what you have done. Learn why it was wrong to follow in my footsteps. Why the destruction of life brought instability to the force.”

_“So if I stay here and atone for the wrong I did, I can go back. I can be with Rey.”_

Anakin spoke to his seriously, “Yes, you could go back, but your atonement will not be easy Ben, there’s one thing you have to do that you have been avoiding.”

“ _What is that?_ ”

“I can’t tell you.”

And there it was, the Skywalker anger came out of him and he snapped, _“What do you mean you can’t tell me?! Are you not here to guide me? Then tell me what I have to do!”_

“Ben I was allowed to be here, but the Force will not allow me to do all the work for you. It is something you have to figure out for your self.”

He felt frustrated. How could he been given this chance but not told what he had to do and how to do, it. It was unfair how the Force was toying with him. Yet, he knew this was the only way for him to return. He held the bridge of his nose and sighed, he looked up at Anakin, _“Alright at least tell me where to start.”_

Smiling, Anakin said, “That I can do.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So, for this chapter I just basically saw how the conversation would go, hence the chapter being mostly dialogue. Also, as much as I believe that when Ben Solo returned he left Kylo’s persona to die. I still believe that there needs to be consequences for what Kylo did, even though I do not believe it was all Ben’s fault. There were many factors that led to his actions. I don’t feel he should automatically get a Get out of Jail card just because he revived Rey. Nonetheless, I feel Ben needs to atone so that he can take another step toward where he needs to go.


	3. Chapter 3

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Rey still can’t shake off the feeling of the force growing within. She reaches out to a friend for help.

She couldn’t get the feeling out of her system. How could his life force be growing within. He was gone, he had given it up so that she may survive.

She decided to put it aside. Perhaps the force was cruel with her in that way as well, reminding her of him but not being able to be with him. On top of that, she had not felt the presence of the Jedi from the past, she would train every morning, chanting the same mantra, _“Be with me.”_ But she might as well had been chanting, _“Stay away from me”_ or at least it seemed that way. It was like the first days of her training with Leia, she felt nothing. The only person she could communicate about the Force with was Finn.

Yes, it had surprised her when he revealed that he was force sensitive, but somehow she felt as if she had always known. Like it was always there but she could not see it. So, that is who she turned to when this strange feeling arose. Maybe he could feel it as well. _“BB-8?”_ The little droid came rolling to her immediately, beeping excitedly along the way. _“You know what I’m going to ask you, don’t you?”_ BB-8 beeped happily nodding his head. After so much time together, Rey barely needed to ask the droid what to do, it’s like he seemed to know what she wanted it to do.

_“Alright well lets not waste time, reach out to him”_ BB-8 beeped and started the holo connection with Finn. After a couple minutes, Finn showed up through BB-8’s holo projection.

“Rey!” Finn answered with excitement and a smile on his face. “It’s been a long time, what’s going on and when are you coming back?”

“Ask her when she’s bringing my droid back?!” Rey could hear Poe’s voice in the background. She let out a small giggle and shouted back, _“Hello to you too, Poe.”_

Poe shouted back from where ever he was, it sounded like water in the background, “How’s it going, Rey?! Hope BB-8 is still in one piece.”

Rey giggled again and asked Finn, _“Where is he?”_

Even through the holo projection, Rey could tell Finn was blushing. “He’s in the ‘fresher taking a bath.”

Rey smiled impishly and said, _“Do I want to know?”_

Finn looked at Rey through the holo and said, “Probably not.”

Rey smiled and said to Finn, _“Well I’m glad at least you and Poe got your happy ending.”_

She could tell that Finn understood her message had a double meaning, when his face fell slightly.

“Rey” he said her name softly, “How much longer are you going to stay out there?”

She knew this was coming, she sighed and said _“ I don’t know when I’m coming back Finn, I don’t think I’m ready yet. It’s still too much for me.”_

Even though she was happy for Poe and Finn, she felt she was not ready to be around all their affectionate moments. Not when she craved what she could have had that with Ben. She was working on recovering, but she was not there, yet.

Finn sighed then looked serious through the hologram. “Look Rey, I know it’s tough. I never liked the guy and you know why. But I also know you loved him and HE LOVED YOU, and if you stay holed up over there in that deserted planet, then he giving his life for you would have been for nothing. He gave his life for you so you could live, not for you to stay like a hermit hidden, never coming out, never living.”

She felt as if she was being lectured, but she just could not go back. _“I know Finn, I know, I just can’t right now. And since when did you become so wise? I’m guessing you’ve been hanging out with Maz lately. Or am I wrong?”_

“No, you’re not wrong Rey, besides you, Maz is the only other person to help me understand this whole thing of the force.”

_Oh Kriff!_ She suddenly was reminded of her reason for the holo call. _“Hey, speaking of the force that’s the reason I’m calling you”_

Finn straightened up and asked with concern, “What’s going on?”

Rey looked straight at the hologram and asked, _“Have you felt anything strange in the force lately? Like any weird feelings?”_

Finn replied, “ No, Rey I haven’t felt anything, nothing unusual anyway. I feel like your not telling me everything Rey, what is going on?” Finn looked concerned.

_“I don’t know, I can’t explain it. It’s like I can feel him with me. I can’t see him, but it’s like he’s with me.”_

“Maybe he’s agreeing with me and trying to tell you get the kriff out of there” He said sarcastically, but then turned serious, “But no Rey, I really think you should come out here, maybe Maz can help”

Rey hesitated, she thought, _maybe Maz could help unravel this mystery, but then what if she could not. What if she’d go back and nothing was done and all she’d go back to was more pain. No_ , she thought. She’d wait it out, seek the Jedi text, and if nothing helped then she would go out there and seek out Finn and Maz.

_“If I can’t figure this out with the Jedi texts then I’ll head out there Finn, I just feel like it’s something that only I can figure out on my own.”_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So, I will try to update on Wednesday’s from now on. It’s the only time I have free from either internship, school, or work. I have a few chapters written but I still need to edit them. FYI: None of my work is Beta’d so I do apologize for any mistakes.
> 
> So this chapter was not inspired by a song, but while looking through my phone I thought that Recovering by Celine Dion kind of reminded me of what Rey is going through. Trying to recover, but still feeling Ben’s presence.


	4. Chapter 4

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Ben has been in the in between atoning. He’s having doubts of whether he should be given a second chance. Someone has something else to say on the matter.

Ch.4 Ben POV

He could feel it, all the pain, all the harm he had caused, all the harm he had caused her, Rey. He never thought he had ever caused her any harm. He always believed she was the one exception to all the terror he caused. But being in this in-between made him realize he was wrong. It teared at him as if he was being slowly eaten alive. If it wasn’t for her, for Rey, for the chance to see her and hold her once again he would give up. Now he understood the consequences of following Snoke or Palpatine or whoever the kriff was pulling all the strings. He now understood the mistake he had done in following a foolish boy’s dream.

When he had learned he was the descendant of the mighty Vader, he could not believe it. He had heard stories of how he had helped create the empire and spread fear and chaos across the galaxy. But he didn’t see it as fear and chaos, he saw it as balance and order. At least that’s what the voice inside his mind would tell him. His bloodline had once been so close to ruling the galaxy and it had been taken away by his own uncle, mother and father.

So, after he saw Luke with that fierce look and blade ignited in front of him, his choice was made. It was not the way of the Jedi he had to follow, the Jedi betrayed each other, no he would follow the steps of his grandfather. How foolish he was now that he could see all the chaos his actions caused. Even though he did not order the destruction of systems, he did order the destruction of hundreds, no thousands of innocent civilians.

Now that he thought of it he didn’t even know if he deserved to be sent back. Why should he be given the opportunity to return to the one he loved when all the people he and the First Order had destroyed would never get to see the light of day. Why should he be given that chance when instead the innocent ones are the ones that should.

And what of the thousands of children that were stolen and trained to be stormtroopers. Their lives, their families ripped away from them. All so that he and the First Order, and Palpatine could play galaxy domination.

And then to top it off, because he kept feeling the pull to the light he destroyed the one person he felt kept him there, his father. Now as he atoned for what he did, he could feel his mother’s pain as she felt his actions and Han’s life fade away. Now that he thought about it, he did not deserve to return, he deserved to stay here and suffer. He sighed and then he heard a voice he had not heard since the fight on the ruins of the Death Star, the voice that distracted him from hurting his love.

“Ben.” He turned and he saw her, his mom, the one person that no matter how much anger and hate he felt, he could never hurt. She was dressed all in white in a hooded dress. He started tearing up, but could not find the words he needed to say.

Once again she called him, “Ben”, this time though she held out her arms for him. He went to her and fell into her arms, broke down and sobbed like a child. All the emotion he had been holding in pouring out of him, _“I’m so sorry Mom! I’m so sorry, I killed Dad...”_ he felt as if he was drowning in his sorrow and then he sobbed once more telling her, _“I’m so sorry I hurt you mom, I never wanted to hurt you, I’m so sorry!”_ He cried and cried for what felt like hours and all the while his mom, his beautiful mom held him in her arms, cradling him as if he was a child. She held him and ran her hands through his hair and spoke when it seemed there were no more tears left in him, “Ben, listen to me, I know honey, I know you’re sorry. That’s why your...” He felt her hesitate, then she said, “That’s why Anakin thought it was best for me to come to you and not him. He felt this was something that needed to be discussed between mother and son, or at least those were his words.”

At that moment he wanted to ask her why she hesitated in calling Anakin his grandfather, but he felt that was a story for another day. He stood up and helped his mother up and then tried to compose himself, his voice was still shaky from all the emotion but he asked, _“Why did he think it was best for you to come?”_ he paused for a second then when his mom looked at him almost hurt he immediately added, _“Don’t get me wrong mom, I’m so glad you’re here with me, but I thought Anakin was meant be my guide because you know we both caused harm to the galaxy and you, well you only did good.”_

She smiled at him and said, “Oh Ben, see that’s why he thought it was best if I explained it, I mean he could have sent Luke, but even Anakin knows better.” A sad expression went into her face, “No honey I didn’t only do good, had I done good I would have listened to you, I would have kept you with me, I would have protected you from harm. Instead I neglected you and focused on politics. I thought that if I sent you with Luke to train, you would be able to control your powers better. That once you started training the voices would go away. But I was wrong Ben, both Han and I were wrong.” She sighed and just when he was about to talk, she held her hand up signaling she needed to continue, “Actually, your father disagreed with me. He thought it was a bad idea to send you to Luke, he thought it was best if we didn’t teach you anymore about the Force. He thought that your powers and the voices would go away over time, but we were both wrong Ben. What we needed to do was talk with you and actually let you explain what you were experiencing. But no we thought we knew better, I thought I knew better and so I shipped you away to Luke, and that’s when I lost you honey.”

He was at lost for words, he didn’t know what to say. Here he had thought his mom and dad had sent him away because they no longer wanted him around, when instead it was fear and lack of communication that brought around the creation of Kylo Ren. But no it wasn’t her fault, nor his dad, nor Luke’s fault for the events that transpired. It was his fault, if only he’d open up and tell them what he was feeling, then perhaps they would have listened. But no he feared of being seen as unstable as if he was delusional. So, instead he allowed Palpatine to poison his mind and turn him into Kylo Ren.

Leia could feel the conflict in his mind and so she spoke to him once again, “No Ben, see that’s the other reason Anakin wanted me to come here. You keep blaming yourself for all that happened when in reality there were so many factors involved in your actions. Honey, I felt that you have atoned for all that you did.” She went up to him and hugged him tightly and said, “I’m so proud of you, Ben.” She stepped away but still had her hands on his arms, “But, there is one more thing you need to do before you can return.”

He stepped away and looked at her with a sad expression, _“Mom, I don’t think I deserve to go back, I mean all the harm I did, besides will there be anything for me to go back to? I mean I feel like I’ve spent a millennia in this place.”_

Leia laughed and said, “Time runs different in this place Ben, it may seem like a millennia here, but out there it has only been weeks. That’s not the point though. Like I said there’s one last thing left for you to do honey, before you can return.”

He was lost, what else could there be left for him to do, _“Mom, I don’t even know what else I need to do. What more can the Force ask of me?”_

“Search your feelings Ben, what do you think is left to do?”

He was still lost, _“I don’t know mom, what does the Force want me to speak to Luke, because let me tell you, I’ll do it but I don’t think it will go well.”_

Leia went up to him held his face in her hands and said, “Honey, the one thing that’s left for you to do is: You need to let go of your guilt, you need to Forgive Yourself.”

He was shocked but lost once again, _“Mom how can I forgive myself after all I have done?”_

Leila spoke once again, “ You can forgive yourself by realizing that the Force has forgiven you. All those people destroyed, they became part of the Force Ben, and it has forgiven you by giving you a second chance. We’ve forgiven you baby, it’s just you that needs to let go and forgive himself.”

He understood and came to terms with what needed to be done, but one question still remained, _“Mom, before you go, do you think there’s something still out there for me to go back to. I mean..”_

Leia smiled at him impishly then hugged him and said, “Oh, there’s definitely something for you to go back to.”

He was confused, _“Mom, what do you mean... what do you know that you aren’t telling me?”_ However, she kissed him on his cheek and she then faded away.

He called after her, _“Mom!”_ , but Leia did not show. Now he knew what needed to be done and if he wanted to know what was waiting for him out there he needed to work on forgiving himself. He knew it would be his toughest challenge yet in this place, but he was willing to take on whatever was thrown at him to make his way back to Rey.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So for some reason, I don’t know why, I feel like I keep getting longer chapters from Ben’s POV because more dialogue comes to mind when I’m writing about him. Anyways writing this chapter had special meaning to me because I see the voices, the visions Ben had as a child that let to the creation of Kylo as if it were mental illness. I have had my own issues with mental illness, but also a grad student you get to see how mental illness affect people, specially when it comes to auditory and visual hallucinations . I believe that because he was ignored and neglected, nor listened to the negative voices took over and brought around the creation of Kylo. You may think I’m wrong and you’re right. This is just how I see it.  
> I also see that pull to the light as another voice. Long story short I feel Ben was able to come back when he accepted the voices were real and he changed the relationship with them (i.e. his conversation with Han). It’s harder to explain it further without going into a full lecture. My point however is that yes Ben did many horrible things as Kylo, but that does not mean he does not deserve a second chance. He deserves to achieve recovery, he deserves to start over again, and darn it he deserves a chance to be with Rey. (However I feel he needs to work for that and I will explain myself in further chapters. Also please do not misinterpret my notes. I’m not saying that people with mental illness do horrible things. I’m just saying that people who have auditory hallucinations may not know the difference between what is real and what is not and can sometimes give in to the voices.)


	5. Chapter 5

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Rey is still having trouble coping with Ben’s passing. However, a morning event brings around a brighter perspective.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So, I do apologize for the delay on the chapter upload. Due to the holiday my internship schedule changed this week, so I was not able to upload yesterday. Anyways here is the next chapter. It’s short but hopefully you’ll enjoy it.

Ch.5 Rey POV

As the sun was rising Rey got out of the bed she had been laying in for hours. Ever since he left, she had trouble sleeping and so she would just lay there hoping for sleep to come. Sure she had her moments where the exhaustion took over and her body would shut down, but never a restful sleep. When she did sleep her dreams were plagued of that day he faded away.

And so she got up to tend to the moisture vaporators, or that was the plan, but as soon as she stood she felt disoriented, as if her world was spinning. Then came a wave of nausea and she barely made it to the refresher before she spilled her contents out.

This was strange to her because she never fell sick. Even on Jakku it was rare when she would get sick, but never like this. And then once again, she felt that feeling of the force growing within her. So after rinsing her mouth, she went to look for the Jedi texts in her room, believing that maybe the answers where there.

She searched and searched, but nothing told of a force growing within. She had found things about the dyad and it hurt her to finally learn about what held her tied to Ben, but still nothing about what she felt.

She thought that maybe, just maybe if she reached out to the Jedi, she could find answers. She got in her meditation pose and started focusing, _“Be with me, Be with me”_ she chanted over and over. She felt nothing and was about to give up, when she felt a wind and a rustling of pages. When she opened her eyes, one of the texts was open to a certain page, one she always skipped because she always associated that passage with the prophecy of the Chosen One. And she knew how that had turned out, so she never gave it much importance. This time she decided to read and of course she thought it was a bunch of bantha shit, what could this have to do with what she was experiencing. That is until she got to the part that talked about conception by the force.

There within the text was the explanation that the force could create life without the need of intimacy. She thought about it, _but no it couldn’t be._ _Or maybe it is possible_ her inner voice said. Could she be with child? A child created by the Force. And that’s when it hit her, that it was not just the Force, but Ben’s life force. She smiled at the thought, the thought that in his final moments, she and Ben had created life.

She knew there was only one way to know for sure. She went down to the dome garage, there she had a medical droid. When she came to Tatooine she didn’t want to interact with anyone and so she built a medical droid. Somehow she had all the parts to make it. She turned it on and asked it what she needed to know. After a quick exam it confirmed her theory. She was in fact pregnant, about nine weeks, just about a week short from the events on Exogol.

Emotion took over, she sat on the floor in a seated fetal position, and began to cry. These were not tears of sadness however, but tears of joy. She was pregnant with a child she and Ben had created through the force.

But then came the wave of sadness because she knew Ben would never have the chance to set his eyes on this child, and neither would the child have a chance to grow with its father. But she would make sure her child knew of its father and of the sacrifice he made to make sure she was there to bring him into the world and care for him.

She touched her abdomen and she could feel the life force of her child, it was faint but she could feel it. She caressed her abdomen and began talking to the child growing within her, _“So it was you causing all that trouble” she spoke to it teasingly. “I can already feel you growing within me and I can’t wait till the day I get to lay eyes on you. I promise that I will do all I can to protect you from harm. And when you’re old enough I’ll teach you about the force, about your daddy’s sacrifice and how in turn it led to you. I’ll let your uncles Chewie and Lando show you around the Falcon. I’ll even allow your uncles Finn and Poe spend some time with you.”_ She giggled at that last idea. Oh the trouble they’d probably get into. _“And I’m sure Maz will teach you many things, shell adore you. She’ll Be like a grandma to you I am sure of that. I just wish you could have met your father, I’m sure he would have loved to meet you, to learn that we created you.”_

Tears ran down her face as she said those last words to her child, she composed her self, smiled and spoke once more, _“But you know what, I feel like somehow he’s going to be watching over you, wherever he is, Always.”_

And so after having learned of the child she carried within her, Rey went up to her room, laid down, and for the first time in months fell into peaceful sleep.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So, as I mentioned in the last chapter, for reasons I can’t explain Rey’s chapter come out short and Ben’s turn out long. ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯ Anyways, I would like to say that I’ll able to upload the next chapter by next Wednesday, but I return to school on Saturday and depending on how much hw is dumped on me will determine when I’ll be able to upload it. The good news is the chapter is written, I just need to edit it.


	6. Chapter 6

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Ben has woken up in a strange place and does not know why. Granddaddy is there to explain and also admit to his stupid mistakes as Vader.

When he opened his eyes, he no longer was surrounded by the in between. He had atoned and worked on forgiving himself, or at least that’s what he told himself. Next thing he knew he had blacked out and woken up in this strange unknown place. A hut of some kind, it was warm, too warm for his taste. He looked around and it seemed as if the place had been abandoned for years. Dust and cobwebs covered almost everything. _Where am I?_ He asked himself.

“You’re in the house of my old master?” He heard Anakin’s voice again and turned to him.

_“Your old master?”_

“Yes, this was once the hut of Obi-Wan Kenobi, my first master and your_”

Ben cut him off, _“My name sake.”_ He stated softly. _The name sake I was expected to live up to, when I never even met the man._ His mind however went on to remind him, _You never met Anakin/Vader either and yet you wanted to follow in his footsteps._ _Kriff off!_ He told his overactive mind.

“Yes, your mother and father saw Obi-Wan as a hero, the person who was responsible for bringing them together. There was no chance they’d name you after me”

Anakin’s response reminded him of his mom’s hesitation when she had spoken to him. _“I have a question for you.”_ Anakin looked at him curiously, “Yes?” _“When you sent my mom to speak with me, she was about to refer to you as my grandfather, but hesitated and called you Anakin. Why is that?”_

Anakin’s face fell, sadness etched across his face, as if a family trait he pinched the bridge of his nose, and sighed, “She hesitated because even in life I was a much more horrible father than I have been in death.” Anakin sighed then continued talking. “When your mother was about nineteen, she was captured by one of the imperial ships and taken aboard the first Death Star. What happened aboard that day is something that I’m not proud of and it is something I will regret for all time.” Anakin’s face fell further, sadness and pain etched across his face. Ben just continued to listen not asking any questions. “Your mother was already the senator of Alderaan and it was believed she had information about the whereabouts of the rebel alliance. I tortured her for information, but she would not give in. I don’t know how I didn’t sense her force signature then. When she would not give the empire what it needed, Grand Moff Tarkin forced her to watch the destruction of her adoptive planet after she had provided the supposed whereabouts of the rebel base. She had to watch the place where her adoptive parent’s gave her the love neither I nor Padmè could because of my stupidity, blown into oblivion. When we realized the information she had provided was a decoy, she was set to be executed. Had it not been for Obi-Wan, who dragged your uncle and your father across the galaxy to save your mother, well you can figure out what would have happened.” Anakin’s force ghost fell, his face in his hands, and it seemed as if he was sobbing.

After staying quiet for a while, Ben spoke, _“You were right when you told me I did not deserve your admiration. Your quest to conquer the galaxy went so far, you were about to kill your own daughter. But I would be a hypocrite if I started giving you a sermon because at least you did not know she was your daughter. I on the other hand knew I was killing my father. But, I can see now why you said the chosen one was bantha shit. Had you been strong in the force, you would have realized she was your daughter.”_

Anakin looked up, “Yes, I know, but also think of how the Force works in mysterious ways. Had I found out who she was, I would have done everything to turn her to the dark side. No, it was better things played out this way, even if now she hates me for eternity. The best thing I could do now was to help her son, you, have another chance at life. One were he does not try to follow in the footsteps of his idiotic grandfather, again.”

 _“Yeah, so about my second chance, why this place?”_ Ben was curious to know the reason he had been sent back to the place of his name sake. 

Anakin spoke, “I’m not exactly sure, the fact the Force is having me guide you does not mean it let’s me in on everything, but I have a guess.”

“And?”

“Well this is Tatooine, my home planet, the place where it all began for me, the place where I began to fall to the dark side”

That still did not answer Ben’s question, _“Yes, but why bring me back here if I’m suppose to avoid making the same mistakes again”_

Anakin responded, “Maybe it is not about avoiding the mistakes I made, but more about starting all over again.”

Ben was still confused, _“If I’m supposed to start all over again, where do I begin.”_

Anakin smiled almost laughed and said, “Well for starters you can find something to change into, because you can’t go out like that.”

Ben was about to retort at Anakin when he looked down and saw what he meant, he was practically naked except for a robe he had on that he had no idea where it had come from. He didn’t know why he didn’t realize this when he had woken up. Now he felt the embarrassment creep in. He had been talking to his grandfather this whole time practically in his birth day suit.

Ben looked around the place to see if he could find something and the only thing he could find were some old Jedi robes. He found a fresher where he could at least change since he did not try to see if it would even work. The robes were not exactly his color, too close to his robes when he was training as a Jedi, but he did not have the luxury to complain right now. He changed into the robes and walked out to talk with Anakin once more.

 _“Now what?”_ He was anxious to know where this path would lead him. It felt like eons had passed and yet he had the feeling that he still had eons more to go.

Anakin responded, “Walk out from here and something will be waiting outside for you. I can’t tell you much more since this is all the Force has allowed me to do.”

Ben felt that with every answer he got, he got ten questions in it’s stead. _“What’s waiting for me outside and how will I know where to go from here.”_

All Anakin said before fading was, “Let go Ben and let the Force guide you.”

Ben walked outside and found a red speeder outside the hut. He got inside and the speeder and realized he had no idea where to go, but decided to let go and see where the Force led him.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry for the late night update. First week of classes and a crazy internship have been kicking my behind. Why couldn’t Jedi be an actual profession, I’d sign up for that in a heart beat. LOL  
> So the Ben waking up in his b-day suit (hehehe) was inspired by the Kings Cross Chapter in Deathly Hallows. Also the song for this chapter is Something Human by Muse. The song popped into my head toward the ending of this chapter.  
> Anyways, I’ll try and upload the next chapter when I can. I have to hurry up and finish this story. I have four more chapters already written and I have more to write. I’m just hoping I don’t go over 15-20 chapters because if that’s the case school’s going to cause me to put this on hold until the end of the semester. 😭


	7. Chapter 7

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Rey comes face to face with someone she thought was gone. Ben on the other hand, is not thinking rationally, however he does get a nice little surprise.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So, I started running out of material for both Rey and Ben, so I switched to both of their POV. I just finished a chapter that is all from Rey’s POV or I say it’s her POV because it revolves mainly around her, but that won’t be for a couple chapters more.  
> Anyways, hope you enjoy this one.

Ch.7 Rey/Ben POV

When she woke up, she woke up groggy, as if she had slept for hours. She stepped outside the home and she found it was morning once again.

 _I slept the whole day?_ It was weird for her to sleep that long, not even when there was a peaceful day on the base did she sleep this long. She thought that maybe it was all the emotion of finding out about the baby and the lack of sleep.

And then once again like the previous morning the wave of nausea came. She made it just in time to the refresher, but it felt more like she was dry heaving. Since, she had slept all day she had barely eaten anything. She went into the room she slept in and gathered some of her clothing thinking that perhaps a cool shower would help with her nausea.

_______________________________________________

He sped across the desert and even though he did not know where he was going, he had a feeling it was in the right direction. The dual suns where beaming on him and it made him feel uncomfortable. Having grown on Chandrilla, the temple, and spending most of his time in space did not prepare him for this hot and dry planet.

However, he would endure the heat and discomfort if it got him where he was meant to be. As he approached what appeared to be another hut he slowed the speeder down and stopped. He couldn’t see any one around, but felt that this is where the Force was leading him. _What if you walk in on a family that already lives there?_ , his mind told him. He knew it could be a possibility but for some reason it did not bother him. He had to stoop to get into the hut as his stall stature made it hard for him to walk in freely. He followed the stairs down and he could feel a force signature coming from inside.

He touched a wall and got visions of his grandfather and a beautiful woman that reminded him of his mother talking in this place. _Was this his family home?_ , he asked, but then he got visions of someone he was not expecting, he had visions of Luke, a much younger Luke arguing with an older man and a woman. He could only assume it was the people who raised him.

Now he knew exactly where he was, he was in the old Lars Moisture Farm. He remembered Luke sometimes telling him of where he grew up before he became a Jedi. Of course, he and his mother for that fact had failed to mention that the reason they grew up separately was because their father was Darth Vader. That did not matter though, he was focused on finding out why the force had sent him there. And then he felt it, a force signature her had not felt since he sacrificed himself on Exogol, Rey. His mind raced with excitement, he had made his way back to her.

Suddenly he heard some beeping and a BB unit came rolling his way. The pilot’s BB unit his mind told him. He suddenly felt like he had received a punch to the gut and felt like thousands of questions came up.

Was he too late? Did she start a new life with the pilot? Maybe she did, perhaps his crimes of the past made it impossible for her to still love him. It wouldn’t’ surprise him, heck the Pilot had practically replaced him when he left home. Being like the perfect son for his mother. And after he had technically kicked the bucket, he could see the pilot saw the perfect opportunity to swoop in. Now he was with the woman he loved. Well as long as she’s happy and alive right? That was the whole reason why he sacrificed himself in the first place.

He was able to pause his thought process to hear the BB unit whirling and screeching angrily. Then he heard it, her voice, “BB-8 what’s all the fuss about..” There she was standing in front of him, apparently fresh out of the fresher, she stared at him, her mouth gaping as if she wanted to find the words to say but couldn’t.

He smiled at her and wanted to run to her and take her in his arms, but he noticed she was backing away from him, shaking her head. “No this can’t be”, he heard her say, “I must be going insane, the Force is playing cruel tricks on me”.

He thought that she would be happy to see him, but perhaps he was wrong. Perhaps he should leave and just about as he was about to turn he heard her gasp and say, “Ben?” As soon as he turned back to her he saw her eyes flutter and her body sway. He shouted he name and caught her in his arms right before she hit the ground.

__________________________________________________________

“Rey!”, were the last words she heard before the world blacked out around her. She felt weightless as if she was being carried and then she felt being laid down on something soft, her bed perhaps. Then came the question, _Was it really Ben_? _No_ , her mind told her, _it must be the exhaustion._

But then once again she heard the voice, pleading, “Rey, come on, please open your eyes.” She felt something or someone smoothing over her hair, touching her face.

She heard the voice once again, but this time it was asking questions, “You droid” she heard the voice say, it sounded so much like him, but it was impossible. Then she heard BB-8 beeping hysterically again, before the voice said, “Calm down, I’m only trying to help. Does she have a medical droid or something that can help her.”

 _The medical droid has the information about your child_ her mind said _whoever this is will find out._ That was enough to force her to open her eyes, and she heard herself gasp.

“Rey?”, she heard him speak, “Rey are you, ok? Do you need help?” She couldn’t believe her eyes, there next to her was Ben, speaking to her. _How could this be? I saw him fade away, how can he be here with me? “Ben?”_ , she reached out to touch his face, _“Is it really you?”_ He smiled, the same smile he gave her before he died, _so how can he be here_ , _but I can feel the warmth of his skin._

As if he had read her mind he answered, “I don’t know how or why but the Force gave me another chance, a chance to come back to you.” His face fell before he said, “But I can see that I’m too late. I can see that you have moved on.”

What was he going on about, how had she moved on. She’d spent the past few months mourning his loss. Only the news of the day before had put her in better spirits. _“What are you talking about? What do you mean by moved on?”_

“I’m not blind Rey, I recognize that droid, it belonged to that pilot. Dameron was it?”

 _Poe? He thinks I’m with Poe?_ Rey was confused.

But as he said his next words she could see sadness and pain etched onto his face.

“And even though it’s barely noticeable, while you were passed out, I could feel the life growing inside you. You’re pregnant and well it does not take a Master to figure out who the father is. I’m sorry I disturbed you Rey, now that I see you are fine, I’m sure you’ll want me gone before he returns. Although I can’t understand why he would leave you alone. But anyway, I’ll get out of your way.”

He was rambling, but she was still confused, why would he think she was with Poe.

He started to walk away when she spoke, _“Ben, what’s all this about me being with Poe, I don’t understand?”_

He turned around and spoke, “Rey, I’m not stupid, I can see you have his droid and by the state of your condition, I can tell the two of you joined together.”

Realization hit her, _Oh, he thinks BB-8 is here with me and Poe, he thinks Poe is the father. If only he knew!_ And she burst out laughing, grabbing her abdomen.

“What?”, she heard him say, “What is so funny? The fact that I figured out you and the pilot are a thing now, the fact that you have moved on while I spent eons in some other dimension trying to get back to you. Yeah, the jokes on me, I can see that now.” He was starting to lose his patience, Skywalker through and through, she thought.

Rey composed her self from the laughter walked towards him and said, _“Ben Solo, you might want to rethink that thing about not being stupid.”_

His face went to one of confusion. “What do you mean..”, but before he could finish she held her hand up signaling him to be quiet.

 _“Ben, I’m not with Poe.”_ , she told him.

“But the droid..”

_“Will you shut up and let me talk Ben, for the Force’s sake. I’m not with Poe and BB-8 is here because he lent him to me.”_

Ben still looked confused, “So, if you’re not with the Pilot, the child..”

Rey went up to him, smiled and grabbed his hand placing it on her abdomen and said, _“Well the child you could say was a tiny parting gift you left me with after you transferred your life force to me.”_

The pieces finally seemed to click in Ben’s mind and when he spoke, his voice was almost breaking, “You mean the child growing inside you is...”

_“He’s ours Ben. He’s a child you and I created through the force.”_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So, since I’m in the west coast I’m technically uploading on a Wednesday. However, I do understand some of you get it on a Thursday, and I apologize for that, but life keeps me busy. Anyways, same thing I will try and update next Wednesday, life and time permitting. No song for this chapter btw.


	8. Chapter 8

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The news of their child has freaked Ben out and making cognitive distortions run through his head like the road runner, which leads him to realize he hasn’t really forgiven himself. Mama bear Rey, is not happy and she’s sexually frustrated.

“It’s ours Ben. He’s a child you and I created through the force.”

He couldn’t believe what he just heard. The Force had given him more than a second chance with Rey, the Force was giving him a family. He was going to be a father.

_Oh, Kriff! I’m going to be a father._

He could tell that Rey was trying to tell him something, but all he could here was this muffled sound and a ringing in his ears.

_How can I be a father to someone? How could I be a father to this child, when I killed my own father?_

He knew he had never meant to do it. It had been Snoke’s teachings that told him he needed to make a sacrifice to join the Sith. Only with a sacrifice could he complete what his grandfather had started.

He had told himself that he had forgiven himself for what he did, but this news just proved that he had been fooling himself.

It wasn’t until Rey started shaking him that he noticed he had pretty much gone catatonic and was on the floor. He had gone from having a moment of complete happiness to a moment of utter fear.

“Ben, Ben, what’s wrong! Oh, Force please don’t do this again, you just brought him back and now you want to take him again, what kind of sick bastard are you!”

It was the sound of Rey crying that snapped him out of his catatonic moment.

“Ben, come back to me please! Ben!”

He lifted his head and spoke to her, he was pleading, wanting to apologize for his moment.

_“I’m so sorry Rey. I didn’t mean to frighten you. It’s just that I don’t know if I can do this.”_

He could tell Rey had gone from frightened to fierce woman the moment he spoke those words. She was almost seething. “You-can’t- do- what?”

_“I don’t know if I can be a father. I don’t even know if I even know how.”_

He could tell she did not understand his fear, she was still seething. He had not seen her like this since the first time their bond started and she called him a monster.

“AND WHAT YOU THINK I AM READY TO BE A MOTHER, YOU THINK I EVEN KNOW HOW TO BE A MOTHER. NO! MY PARENT’S LEFT ME TO PROTECT ME FROM MY MEGALOMANIAC GRANDFATHER. AND THEN TO TOP IT OFF, WHEN I STARTED HAVING SOME PARENTAL FIGURES, THEY DIED AS WELL. AND YET, EVEN AFTER ALL THAT THE MOMENT I FOUND OUT I WAS CARRYING OUR CHILD I TOLD MYSELF AND I TOLD HIM THAT I WOULD DO MY DAMN BEST TO TAKE CARE OF HIM AND BE THE BEST MOTHER I COULD BE. AND YET YOU, THE MOMENT YOU FIND OUT YOUR GOING TO BE A FATHER, YOU WANT TO KRIFFING BACK OUT!”

 _“No Rey it’s not that I want to back out. But like you said, you had some parental figures and now they’re gone and IT’S ALL MY FAULT! HOW CAN I BE FATHER TO OUR CHILD WHEN I KILLED MY OWN. HOW CAN I BE A FATHER WHEN I’M THE REASON MY MOTHER IS DEAD AS WELL!”_

He was now crying into Rey’s chest, how he had gotten there he had no idea, all he knew was that she was holding him tightly to her.

_“Rey, how will I be able to look our child in the eyes and tell him, I’m the reason he does not have grandparents for him to visit, for him to love. Tell me Rey. How?”_

___________________________________________________________

She could see now that he was scared. He didn’t want to back out, no, he thought he couldn’t be a father because he believed he killed his own father.

And yes he may have been the one who completed the act, but Palpatine might as well have been holding the lightsaber and stabbed Han with it.

He had been manipulated into thinking he needed to kill his father and now those events made him doubt his own ability to love their child.

 _“Oh, Ben…”_ She was speaking to him in a soft voice, her anger gone.

_“You don’’t have to look our child in the eyes and tell him you killed Han because it wasn’t your fault”_

“But Rey,...”, he tried to cut her off but she quieted him by placing a finger upon his lips.

_“Listen, when he’s old enough and you’re ready you can explain to him how Palpatine took advantage of you and made you think you needed to do all the things you did. And how your mother gave her life for you to come back to the light. That it was not your fault. It was her choice. And you should be glad that she loved you enough to give her life for yours. That’s the proof that she loved you no matter what you had done. But for once I’m going to take a leaf out of your own book and tell you that you need to leave this behind Ben. I understand you’re terrified to be a father. I’m terrified to be a mother too, but we can figure this out together.”_

Next thing Rey knew Ben had crashed his lips against hers and oh it was the best feeling she felt since she had kissed him on Exogol. She joined in his kiss and grabbed onto his neck and ran her hands through his hair holding on tightly, not wanting to let go of him.

Oh, how wonderful his lips felt molding against hers. She traced the tip of her tongue across his lips letting him know to give her entrance and when he did, it was the most wonderful feeling ever. She could taste him and oh, his taste was divine. She could feel she was running out of breath, but she did not want to let go. She wanted to melt into his lips and stay like this forever.

No scratch that, she wanted to go further with him. She wanted to climb onto his lap and have her way with him.

Oh the things he was making her feel. She could only imagine how touching him would make her feel, their bodies intertwined becoming one.

When neither of them could go on any longer they broke apart, panting heavily. She held onto his face and he held onto hers and he pressed his forehead next to hers and smiled.

That smile, oh the things it was making her feel.

“I had been wanting to do that, since the moment I laid eyes on you today.”

She was about to press her lips to him, when he held her back.

_“Ben what’s wrong I thought you said...”_

“I know what I said Rey, but well I want to deserve you. Trust me if I could, I’d have my way with you right now.”

 _Uhm, please do, this pregnancy is driving me insane, it’s like the Force want’s me to get pregnant twice._ But aside from her thought process she could tell something was holding him back.

_Probably that stupid side of him that makes him think he needs to beat himself up every time he has something good._

_“But..?”_

“But, I can’t give in to my passion when I know that as Kylo Ren, I was not the best person to you. While I was away in the in-between, I got to see everything I had done. I had told myself that I had never done anything to hurt you, but I was wrong. I took you against your will. I tried to torture you Rey. I basically implied I could take anything from you. Then when you refused to take my hand on the Supremacy, I belittled you, made you feel like you were nothing.”

He lowered his gaze as if he was ashamed, but then continued.

“I need to prove to you that I’m no longer that man who told you that you were nothing. Even after I have let Kylo die, I can’t just waltz in and expect everything to be rose colored as if I never hurt you or said those things to you. I want to work my way up to deserving you.”

Oh, her complicated man, always overthinking, but she wouldn’t want something simpler with somebody else. She would just have to give him time.

_“Ben, I do believe you have changed, but if this is what you need for us to move forward, then I will wait for you to come to terms with your emotions. I just want you to know that, the moment you sacrificed yourself for me. That was enough proof that you had started to change. It may have broken me on the inside to see you disappear, but it was the most selfless act I have witnessed. And remember that your act also resulted in our child.”_

This was one emotional roller coaster and it was starting to take its toll on her.

She yawned and got up from the ground.

She immediately felt the prickling of her legs and her feet felt numb from being on the floor for so long. She felt like she was going to stagger back down when he caught her in his arms again.

“Are you ok?”

She looked deep into his eyes, they were filled with worry, and then she placed her hands on his chest.

The way she felt in his arms made her want to lean in for a kiss, she wanted to tell him to kriff the whole him deserving her bantha shit because he had already gained her trust, but deep within she knew he was right.

He needed to work on controlling his emotions.

Even though he was once again Ben Solo, he still had a lot of Kylo’s/Skywalker anger in him, and he needed to control that side of him.

As much as she wanted to throw caution to the wind, she knew it was important to him.

Besides she didn’t know if the Force was just toying with her.

What if she did throw caution to the wind, tell him to give in, and the next morning he’d be gone either by his own accord or by the Force.

Could she handle that pain again? _No, you wouldn’t, it would destroy you. And it’s not just you anymore._ And so she let her hands drop and stepped away from his embrace.

_“I’m ok Ben, it’s just my legs fell asleep. Thank you for catching me.”_

“I would never let you fall.”

 _“Well count that as a part of you showing me that you have changed, because I’m sure Kylo would.”_ She said to him teasingly to defuse the tension.

He smiled at her and said softly, “Thank you Rey. For having all this faith in me, I hope I can prove my love to you soon and that the love you have for me is not a mistake.”

_“Here let me show you where you’re going to sleep.”_

She led him to the largest room, which she had assumed belonged to Luke’s aunt and uncle. She had been staying in what she believed to be Luke’s room and she knew putting him in there would not be the best idea.

Besides Ben was tall and well built and needed a larger bed than the one she was in.

She left him at the door and told him, _“I’ll be in the room across the hall if you need me”._

And then she walked to her room as fast as she could. She couldn’t let him know how bad she wanted to tell him that it was ok, that they didn’t need to do anything, but just hold each other.

However, she knew if she took that chance she could probably lose control with him and she couldn’t risk getting carried away only to be possibly hurt by his rejection again. _Stupid hormones!_ Even though she knew it was not because he didn’t love her, but because he felt he needed to deserve her. _Oh, my silly Ben._

She held her abdomen and said, _“Your father is a foolish one, but I know he’s foolish out of love.”_

She changed into her night clothes and laid down in her bed and noticed BB-8 had already gone into sleep mode. She turned off the lights and closed her eyes hoping sleep would take her and have her dream of that kiss.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So, I don’t know why I keep naming the chapters as if it’s from the character’s point of view because technically it’s not. It’s more me being birds eye view on their actions and thought process. Anyways I’m not good with chapter titles. Anyways, these two are driving me nuts with the whole bipolar moods/feelings, but alas that’s how my brain sees them. Sorry for the tease (runs and hides under a rock), but I can’t let Ben have it easy. I’m still sensitive to what Kylo did, doesn’t mean he doesn’t deserve another chance he just needs to work for it. However, Rey’s crazy hormones might speed up the process.  
> I will try and update next Wednesday life permitting.  
> Quick note: small part of this chapter was influenced by, “I Could Fall In Love With You” by Selena. I was listening to a weird playlist on that flight, LOL.


	9. Chapter 9

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Ben reflects on his relationship with Rey from his days as Kylo Ren to his days as Ben Solo. He then has a not so happy dream.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Before you read, note that I have Ben briefly think about the evolution of his relationship with Rey in this chapter. Please don’t try to stone me (cowers and hides). I thought it was a subject that needed to be discussed for me to move forward with the story. It wouldn’t feel right to me if I didn’t. So, if the discussion of Reylo abuse ticks you off, I would avoid reading this chapter. It is up to you whether you want to read it, but just remember you have been warned. 
> 
> Also, I would like to apologize for the late update. Life happened and there was no way to stop it and got in the way of me updating.

Ch. 9 Ben/ Rey POV

He looked around the room. He could tell this was not Luke’s, the room was too big to be his. _Must have been his Aunt and Uncle’s_ he thought. He sat down on the bed and started thinking about the events that had just transpired.

When he had kissed Rey, it was the best feeling he had felt in what he could say was all his lifetime. It almost rivaled the feeling he felt when he knew she would live after he had sacrificed his life force for her. If he had let it go further he wouldn’t have been able to contain himself. Just the kiss alone had already made him hard and he tried his best to hide that from her when he pushed her away. Pushing her away was one of the hardest thing he had to do, but he knew it was necessary.

When he was in the in-between he got to see how he had behaved with Rey. He had believed Rey was the only person he had never crossed that line with, but he was wrong.

He saw how he had gone from being demanding and aggressive when he first met her. He remembered her face as he killed his father, as he injured Finn. Seeing her pain ripped him apart in the in-between. Then he changed to calm and charming when he felt the bond open. But then she rejected him on the Supremacy. He remembered the anger he felt at her rejection and he told her she was nothing, had come from nothing, but that she was not to him. He thought that if she believed she was nothing to everyone else she would stay, but he was wrong, that was not Rey. Then when she got away, he basically chased across the galaxy and hurt her again. It was only as Ben Solo that he had done good with her.

But he saw the pattern, the rollercoaster of abuse and then trying to mend the damage. He couldn’t do that any longer, not when he knew the pain and damage it had caused Rey. He knew she was forgiving, that she was willing to forget his past deeds because she cared about him. But no, Rey deserved better. When he was in the in-between he debated on whether it was even worth trying to come back to Rey. He felt he did not deserve her because of what he had done. It was the talk he had with his mother that gave him hope he still had a chance. And Force he wanted to prove to Rey he deserved that chance.

He could feel all the thinking was starting to get to him, it had been a long day, and he could feel his eyes getting heavy. He took off his tunic and boots and got into bed letting sleep take him.

He was in an odd place. It seemed vaguely familiar, but he couldn’t put his mind on it. The house it seemed so familiar. _“I’ve been here before.”_ he told himself _“but when”._ It reminded him so much of the home he had grown up in on Chandrilla. He followed a path onto the door of a room and he heard a noice coming from the other end. He was curious and frightened. He was unsure of what was on the other end. His curiosity took the best of him and he opened the door.

There on the floor he saw what seemed to be a child playing with some figures. He could not see the child’s face, it had it’s back to him _“Uhm, hello?”_ he called. The child got up and turned around to look at him. He gasped. It was a boy that looked like him except it had Rey’s beautiful hazel eyes and her ears. _“Thank the force”_ he thought.

The boy came up to him and asked, “Will you play with me?”

 _“Sure anything.”_ Ben answered. He was about to sit on the floor when the child walked up to him holding what he knew was a lightsaber. And not just any lightsaber, but the saber of Kylo Ren.

“I know what I need to do.” said the child. “But I don’t know if I can do it. Will you help me?”

The child looked at him with a look that said, “Help”.

Ben knew where this was going and he told himself it was a dream and he wanted to wake up from this nightmare but nothing happened.

The child walked up to him holding the lightsaber and once again said, “Will you help me?.”

Ben just looked at the child and nodded. He grabbed onto the lightsaber with the intention of taking it away when he heard the saber ignite and plunge through his chest. He felt the pain of the saber as it burned through his flesh.

The child plunged the saber even further and right before he was about to succumb to his wounds he heard the child saying, “Thank You, Daddy.”

In the background he could hear a man yelling, _“NOOOOOOOO!”._ It was not until he rose from the bed gasping, drenched in sweat that he realized it had been he who had been screaming.

He put his head in his hands and began to cry.

____________________________________________________________________________________

She had been in a peaceful sleep when all of a sudden she was woken up by the sound of a scream, “NOOOOOOOO!”. It was coming down the hall, from Ben’s room. She immediately got out of bed and ran out her room toward Ben’s room. She opened the door and there sitting in his bed with his head in his hands and sobbing was Ben. She sat down next to him on the bed and placed a hand on his shoulder. She then spoke to him, _“Ben are you Ok. Talk to me tell me what’s wrong?”_

He looked up at her, his eyes red from crying, but she could tell he was trying to compose himself, “It was nothing, just a dream. I’m sorry I woke you up.”

_“Ben please don’t do this, don’t shut me out, let me help you.”_

“It was a nightmare, Rey. I’ll be fine.”

He could lie to himself but he couldn’t lie to her.

_“Ben, I can tell you’re not ok. You’re not alone in this, talk to me. Please.”_

He looked at her again and she could tell there was a battle going on in his head, debating whether to tell her. She grabbed a hold of his face and pleaded with him once more, _“Ben, you can trust me. Please let me help you.”_

“Rey I trust you with my life. I just, I don’t know how you will take what I saw.”

He was trying to protect her, thinking she couldn’t handle what he had seen in his dream. _What had he seen?_

 _“Ben how can I know if I can’t handle it or not if I don’t know what it is. I get that you’re trying to protect me, but we’re together in this. We’re a dyad Ben, and deep within what happens to one happens to the other. When you went away Ben it was like part of me died to. It was only just recently learning about our child that I finally started feeling complete again.”_ The mention of their child made him look at her more seriously. It was their child, that’s what had him nervous.

 _“Ben are you having doubts again. Look we talked about this...”,_ he held up a hand and stopped her from finishing her argument.

“It was so vivid, I could see him clearly like I see you now.” His voice was shaking, but he continued and she listened intently.

“At first I couldn’t tell where I was, but as I’m remembering it now, I can tell I was in Chandrilla. The home where I spent most of my childhood. I walked up to what used to be my room. I opened the door and there on the ground was a child playing with some toy figures. When I said “Hello” the child got up and turned around. It was a boy, a boy that looked like me, except he had your eyes....”

She gasped and cut him off, _“You saw him, you saw our son?”_.

He nodded but she could tell something was off. There was fear in his eyes and it scared her as well. _“This is not going where I think it is, is it?”_ He shook his head and took her question as a queue to continue.

She could hear the fear in his voice as he spoke, “He walked up to me and asked me to play with him and I obliged. Of course I would play with him, it was our child. But then suddenly he had in his hands the lightsaber I had as Kylo, and I knew what was coming Rey, I knew what was going to happen and as much as I tried I couldn’t stop it. He stabbed me with the saber, just like I stabbed my father Rey. And then he said the same words, I told my father, ‘Thank You’ except our son called me ‘daddy’ at the end. And then I woke up screaming.” 

Oh, Force he was terrified. Terrified that the dream would become real. She looked at him and held his face in her hands.

_“Oh Ben, it was like you said. It was just a dream. I mean I know I keep calling our child, him, because I always picture our child as a boy, except in my vision he’s a spitting image of you.”_ She smiled at him hoping it would change the mood, but it was futile, he was still afraid of what he had just seen in his dream.

_“But I guess, I don’t know, I mean for all we know our child could be a...”_

“Girl.”, he finished her thought for her.

_“Yeah, our child could be a girl. A girl who looks like..”_

“Like her mother.”, he said.

 _“I was going to say like her father.”_ , she told him with a smile. All of a sudden she felt tired again and she yawned. Sleep wanted to claim her again.

She told him, _“I’m sorry Ben, but this whole being pregnant thing has me feeling tired all the time.”_ She was about to get up from the bed, when he grabbed hold of her hand .

He looked at her with longing eyes and said, “Stay, please.

She nodded and got into bed. He turned off all the lights and laid down next to her. He moved in closer to her and wrapped an arm around her placing his hand over her abdomen.


	10. Chapter 10

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Ben and Rey have a talk about their child and Poe’s sexuality (LOL). Then Rey makes something clear for Ben.

When she woke up the next morning she noticed a couple of things. First she was not in her bed. Two she was still pinned under Ben’s arm, _Force he’s heavy,_ and his hand was in the same place he had placed it last night, her barely noticeable bump. Three Ben looked amazing in his sleep. Although, she almost laughed at how his hair was all over the place in his sleep. Four she could feel this hardness behind her and she could guess it was only one thing, and just as she was about to act on her hormonal instincts, came the fifth thing, the wave of nausea. She pushed of Ben’s arm off her with all the strength she could muster and she ran to the fresher. She made it right on time to spill her contents out. _Ugh, how long will this last._

Another wave came, but this time she was not alone.

“Rey are you ok?”, Ben was behind her sounding concerned. “Is everything all right?”

“ _Everything is fine Ben, except for the fact that your son finds it delightful to wake me up in the morning with a wonderful wave of nausea.” She went back to retching into the toilet except this time she felt Ben, kneeling behind her, holding her hair and soothing her back._

_“Oh, that feels nice.”_ she told him.

“How long has this been going on Rey?” He was still concerned.

_“Uhm, since yesterday actually. When you showed up yesterday, that was the first time I had the symptoms. Maybe he could sense something.”_

Ben chuckled. “Still going on about our child being a boy? I thought we had discussed that our child could be a girl.”

Rey’s mind wandered, in her mind she could see Ben doting on a little girl. Being protective of her. Teaching her how to fight with a saber. She’d be a daddy’s girl. But then her mind wandered again and she could see a little boy chasing his dad. She imagined Ben showing their son around the Falcon, teaching him how to pilot it.

“Rey, you’re ok?” he asked again.

_“Oh yeah, sorry my mind wandered for a while there.”_

“What were you thinking about?” She could see the curiosity in his face.

_“I was thinking of what you’d be like if we had a daughter or a son?”_

“And?” Rey could tell he was a bit nervous of her answer.

_“And you’d be a great father regardless whether our child is a boy or girl. Although, I liked how if we had a daughter, she’d be such a daddy’s girl. You were protective of her.”_

He smiled, “Oh, I’d definitely be protective of her. Make sure to keep all the stuck up, half-witted scruffy-looking Nerfherders away.” Ben chuckled, but Rey could tell there was some sadness in his eyes.

_“Scruffy-looking Nerfherder?”_

Ben looked nostalgic as he answered her question. “My mother used to call my dad that when she’d be upset with him, but at the same time it was like an inside joke. I once asked my dad what it meant. He told me it was an insult my mother had called him while they were fighting the empire. He said it was her trying to deny her feelings for him. Mom said that she had said it because he was insufferable.”

_“Well I’m sure you’ll protect her from all the nerfherder’s out there. But it would be nice to have a son too. One that you could teach how to fly the Falcon.”_

Rey regretted her words immediately because she saw the pain it brought onto Ben’s face.

_“Ben, I’m sorry, I didn’t think. I understand it’s a sensitive issue for you.”_

“No Rey, it’s ok, I mean I have to get used to it. Isn’t the Falcon yours now? Speaking of which, where is the monstrosity? I haven’t seen it anywhere.” She could tell he was trying to lighten the mood.

_“Oh, I left it with Lando and Chewie on Ajan Kloss, but last I heard of it was that it needed plenty of repairs. Apparently, Poe and Finn did plenty of damage during the last days of the war. He jumped through light speed ”_

“The pilot light speed jumped my father’s ship?” The news of his father’s ship did not go well with Ben.

_“His name is Poe, Ben and he only flew it because I allowed him to. Of course, I did not know he was going to jump her through light speed.”_

Rey noticed, Ben’s face suddenly went to one of curiosity. “Rey, when I said that you were with the pil ..”

Rey gave him a look which made him change what he was going to say.

“Fine, when I said that you were with Poe, why did you say that it was stupid for me to think so. I mean what men wouldn’t want to be with you.”

Rey was about to response but then her stomach made a very loud rumbling noise.

“Oh kriff! I just realized we’re still on the floor of the ‘fresher. I’m sorry Rey. Why don’t you go change and I’lll prepare you something.”

She looked up at him, “Uhm, _Ben quick question.”_

“Yeah?”

_“Are you going to put a top on or something, because seeing you like that is not really helping my hormonal situation.”_

_____________________________________________________________________________________

_“ Kriff! Wait it affects you that bad to see me shirtless?”_

Rey went up to him grabbed him by the neck pulled him down to her lips and kissed him deeply but briefly before letting him go and saying, “You have no kriffing idea.”

He was left flabbergasted.When he came back to his senses ran to his room to put a top on then go into the kitchen to prepare breakfast for Rey.

When Rey came out of her room, BB-8 rolling behind her, he had an array of foods prepared for her.

_“I didn’t know what you liked, so I just prepared whatever was in the conservator.”_

“Wow, thank you. This looks amazing and apparently your child likes it too because I feel like I’m starving.”

He was still wondering about what Rey had meant about him being stupid because he believed she was with Poe, so he asked her about it again while she ate.

_“So Rey, about where we left off?”_

“Which part? The one about Poe or the one where I wanted to jump you and have my way with you?” He could tell she was blushing as she said that last part.

_“Uhm, the part about Poe.”_

“Oh.” Rey was laughing and he was curious about what was so funny.

_“What’s so funny?”_

“Well you said something about what kind of man wouldn’t want to be with me. Trust me, Poe wouldn’t want to be with me. You could say I’m not his type.” She was giggling as she talked about this.

_“I’m lost. How could you not be his type. You’re amazing Rey.”_

“Oh, Ben. I’m not his type because no woman is his type.”

It took a while for him to figure out what she meant before he said.

_“Oh, OH!! So he’s...”_

“Uhuh.” Rey nodded

_“So he’s not into..”_

“Yup, took you a while to put the pieces together.”

_“Wow, yeah I can see now why you thought I was stupid.”_

“It’s ok Ben, Poe probably would have gone pretending he was a ladies man if it wasn’t for you.”

He was confused and freaking out, _the pilot didn’t have an interest in him did he? Did torturing him turn him on? Was he into some kinky shit?_

It looked like Rey could read his though process because she quickly added, “No he is not into you, but he did meet his partner on your ship.”

He was trying to remember that day and he recalled that Poe escaped with...

“FN-2187? That’s Poe’s partner?”

“Finn, Ben, he goes by Finn and yes that his partner. Seriously, part of the reason why I got away from them was because I couldn’t stand all their affectionate moments. It was overwhelming. Specially when I craved to have that with you.”

_“Rey I’m sorry you had to go through that. I’m sorry you’re going through this right now. Believe me when I say, that I want that for us too. I mean really bad. I mean if it wasn’t for your wave of nausea this morning, I’m sure you would have noticed the hard-on I woke to this morning.”_

“Oh, I noticed and believe me if our child had not had other plans, I would have acted out on my hormonal instincts.”

He was blushing, _“Oh, I didn’t think you noticed that this morning.”_

“I definitely noticed it.” She said very matter of factly.

“However, it doesn’t seem to matter because you keep holding back.”

_“Rey, I told you, I’m trying to process this whole thing out. I get that I’m not Kylo anymore, but I still feel I am responsible for the things I did when I was.”_

“You’re right, you’re not Kylo anymore and if you still were I’d agree that you didn’t deserve me. But that is the other thing that ticks me off. You keep saying you don’t deserve me or that you want to be the man I deserve. But answer me this Ben, Who the kriff do you think you are to decide whether you’re worthy of me or not?!”

He was not expecting their conversation to take this turn.

She kept going and he could tell she was pissed, “I get you’re battling your own demons that make you think you’re not worthy of me or any happiness, but at the end of the day, guess what? I get to choose who’s worthy of me. NOT YOU, NOT THE JEDI, NOT THE KRIFFING SITH, NOT THE FORCE, ME! I DECIDE!!!”

Yup, she was pissed but at the same time her outburst shocked him. It made things clear for him. In his quest to make himself worthy of Rey he was actually dragging himself deeper into the Sarlacc pit by taking away her choice. She was right, it was her choice to decide whether he was worthy of her or if she even wanted to be with him. She gets to choose for herself, not him.

_“You’re right Rey. You’re right. I’m sorry I didn’t realize that by trying to be worthy of you I was taking away your choice. So, what do you want to do?”_ , he was making this about her. She would be the one to make the next move, not him.

He could tell she was still upset because her voice was agitated.

“Thank you for acknowledging that you were taking my choice away, but for also giving me a say in this. Right now, I want to calm myself down, perhaps meditate, you can join me if you want to. And after..”

_“Yes?”_ He was curious where she was going with this.

“After you are joining me in the bedroom and helping me with all this pregnancy hormonal frustration shit.” She said this very matter of factly.

He tried to lighten the mood by vowing and replying, _“As my Empress commands.”_ And then gave her his smile. He knew the smile made her weak at the knees. But she downplayed it.

“Ha Ha Ha, yeah not funny Solo.” She turned and walked toward the family room.

As he saw her walk away, his thoughts dwelled on that he wasn’t sure if he was ready to be that intimate with Rey, but he knew one thing for sure, if this is what she wanted and needed then he was going to do everything he could to satisfy her.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Once again I am sorry for the delayed chapter. This year in School is a tough one. Add work and life to that and I even wonder how the Force provides me with the time to write this. Anyway, with that said, I will try to upload when I can. I have caught up with the chapters I had written which means I now need to find the time to write more chapters as well. I’m not giving up on this story, I want to see it to it’s end because Rey and Ben deserved a happy ending damn it. But I do need to find the time to keep writing it.  
> Thank you for all the kudos everyone. It’s what keep me going with this story.


	11. Chapter 11

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> After his conversation and argument with Rey, Ben starts thinking about what is holding him back. Someone comes by to help him and provides some extra help.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry for the long delay. School, life, the shift to having school and internship from home, and this quarantine just put me a in a funk where I just couldn’t find the time to keep writing this. Then for a moment I did not even know if I could get myself to finishing the story. But while reading the Rise Of Skywalker novel, I was motivated to continue. I noticed I made some mistakes in this story that have made me deviate from canon and I feel the next chapters, I do so even more. Anyway, I couldn’t have felt comfortable if I didn’t finish this story. I just wanted to be able to finish it whether readers like it or not. Anyways, it is spring break and my bday and thought I’d gift myself by continuing this story. I was able to write a few more chapters, so once I work through those I will post them.   
> Hoping you are all doing well and May the Force Be With You during these tough times and Always.

While Rey was meditating he went to the dome garage and while tinkering around he felt the urge to center himself as well. He understood that she was frustrated, heck he was frustrated with himself.

Physically, he wanted to be with Rey. Even mentally, but there was something holding him back. Something beyond not feeling worthy, it was like this gut wrenching feeling deep within, yet he couldn’t put a name to it. He knew what it was, but honestly he afraid to say it. He wished he had someone to talk to about this, someone who could help him understand. And just as he had those thoughts, he felt a presence in the force. _“Mom?”_

She reached out to touch his face, “Hi sweetheart.”

He leaned into her touch, well her ghost of a touch, but it didn’t matter. She was there with him. And that got him thinking, _why was she there with him?_

_“Mom, what are you doing here? Don’t get me wrong, I’m happy you’re here with me, but I thought that the World between Worlds was the only place I could see you.”_

“No sweetheart, I’m always around. You may not see me or feel me, but I am always here with you.”

He felt this heart wrenching feeling within him. As a child he would always wish that his mother would have more time with him. How cruel of the Force to finally give him more time with his mother, but only her force ghost and not her physical self.

As if she could read his mind she said, “Yes, it does seem cruel doesn’t it. Here I wish I was there physically to hold you, but somehow it feels like as if I can. Somehow the Force, as cruel as it may seem, still gives us some kind of a second chance. Even if it is not how we want it to be. Anyways, back to the matter of why I am here. I’ve been sensing something is holding you back. Even when you were atoning, you did not let go of your guilt. And then when you found out about the baby, well that turned your world upside down...”

He cut her off there, _“Speaking of the baby, you knew didn’t you. You knew Rey was pregnant with my child. Why didn’t you tell me?”_

“Well it wasn’t my story to tell sweetheart. And two, well it would have taken the fun of seeing your reaction. Of course I did not expect for you think Poe was the father. But then again, you and Poe didn’t know each other long enough for you to figure out women are not his type.” She laughed as she said that last bit.

_“Mom, I barely knew the guy. I was like what, maybe ten the last time I saw him. All I remember was that Dad liked being around him and I craved that attention. That attention he used to give me before my powers were fully developed. That’s when he started distancing himself from me.”_

“Ben, your dad did not prefer Poe. I think it was that he just craved that sense of normalcy we force users could not provide him with. Trust me, he had a tough time adjusting when I started training with Luke. But then when I felt you growing within me and my own fears held me from completing my training, we went back to just being, normal I guess. If there is anything normal about anything that is. When he learned I was pregnant with you, He was over the moon. He talked about everything he wanted to teach you. Flying the Falcon, taking you on trips. I was against it of course, but once you were old enough, he and Chewie would take you away on trips. Boy would we argue every time he did it. But deep within I loved the bonding time he was having with you. And you loved it of course.”

Ben thought back to those days. To the days when his dad, Chewie, and him would go on adventures. Those were the best memories of his childhood. Thinking about it, he remembered what he told Rey, when she talked about them having a girl.

 _“I remember, every time he would bring me back you’d yell at him, ‘What have I told you, you scruffy looking nerfherder about taking our son on your smuggling runs!!!’ Chewie would stay behind with me while you two bantered. He actually got a kick out of it. He would be chuckling the whole time.”_ He looked down and smiled as he recalled those days.

“Yes we did argue a lot about what he thought was appropriate for bonding after you were born. But even before he was not prepared for what pregnancy brought along. The nausea, the cravings, the sexual frustration that comes with the second trimester.” As she said that last bit she looked at him with a look that said “I Know.”

_“OH! Wait you mean you know that I haven’t been able to, uhm, oh kriff. This is not a conversation I feel comfortable having with you mom. Trust me, I know I have to, but it just feels awkward.”_ He ran his hands nervously through his hair.

“I knew you might say that, which is why there’s someone who you might feel more comfortable speaking about it with.”

Who could he feel more comfortable with?, _“Wait not Luke! He could barely understand human emotion, let alone talk to me about my fears of opening up about my insecurities to my wife.”_ He didn’t realize what he had said until he had said it.

“Wife? Why wasn’t I invited to the wedding?” She said mocking being offended.

He chuckled at her mock offense and corrected himself even though he didn’t feel the need to do so. _“No, I haven’t asked her yet, but I mean she as good as is. We’re bonded by the force and we are having a child together. What more is there to it? You know what don’t answer that, because I can already see that look in your eye mom. Kriff, I did not imagine myself having this talk with you in my thirties or any time for that matter.”_

“And who were you thinking of having the conversation with?” Leia asked even if she knew what his answer would be.

_“I don’t know, Dad. Obviously, I was not expecting to be celibate this long, but then again Luke was old school with his Jedi teachings and Snoke or Palpatine or whoever the motherkriffer was frowned upon it. But during the few times I got to visit home when I was older, Dad would ask me, if there was any girl that sparked my interest. Of course there wasn’t and now we know why. Rey has been the only one for me and she will always be.”_

“Well if that’s the case I hope later down the line you are able to provide me with more grandchildren. I’m assuming it’ll be the natural way of course. Unless you and Rey are planning on conceiving all your children through the force.”

He knew she was teasing him, but it was still awkward. _“Mom! Please don’t.”_

“Okay, okay. Having been around your dad you I ended up picking up a lot of his teasing and innuendos.”

He was confused, surely she meant when they were together. She couldn’t be around him then, his father was not force sensitive.

As if she read his mind she looked up at him and said, “Well that’s part of the reason I came here. I’ve been sensing your struggles Ben, specially being unable to forgive yourself for what happened with Han. I think that is what is really holding you back honey, among a few more things.”

He was still confused, _“How does dad play into this?”_

“Well let’s just say that even though, Ana_” she stopped as if she was being nudged by something. “Okay fine, your grandfather. I still have trouble calling him that by the way. He says being the chosen one is a load of bantha shit, but apparently being the chosen one has it’s perks with the Force. And the fact that well he’s been trying for eons to make it up to me for what he did to me and for torturing your father. I don’t care if he says it was his inner father trying to protect his girl. Sure it was.” She said so sarcastically before continuing, “Anyway, I feel like I keep stalling, but your father has been nudging me to see for like the past hour.”

_No it couldn’t be, he couldn’t, he was just a figment of his memory. How could he be here to speak with him, when he had cold-heartedly murdered his own father. No it was not cold-hearted, the act almost ripped him apart from remorse._

Again as if reading his mind, Leia answered, “Your grandfather being the chosen one and all was able to pull some strings and temporarily bring your dad through the World between Worlds and into this one. Don’t ask me how, I don’t understand it, but I can tell you that I’m willing to even say, ‘thank you’ to him for giving you this. I’m going to leave now sweetheart, but remember I’m here in you need me.” She bent down to kiss his forehead and then she slowly faded away.”

He was going to get to see his dad, not the figment in his mind when he chose to let Kylo die and Ben resurface, but the real Han Solo, whether physical or somehow as a force ghost. The more he thought about it though, the more fearful he was. How would he react after what happened between them. However, he did not have time to prepare for it because as he was thinking about it he felt another presence in the room. He turned around and just stared in shock. There in front of him was his father, Han Solo.

Han smiled at him and said, “Hey kid.”


	12. Ch.12

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Ben gets to have a conversation with Han and analyze his fears

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry for another late update. Life and school got in the way. And then the quarantine got me into this funk where I had editing block and couldn’t get myself to edit. Anyways, you get two chapters today. I have no beta so I apologize for any grammar or flow errors.  
> ____________________________________________________________________________

He was still in shock. How could this be? How did Anakin pull this off?

His train of questions were cut off however by Han saying, “You’re just going to stand there kid or are you coming to give your old man a hug.”

He walked toward Han nervously, but once he was within arms reach, Han embraced him. He noticed through the embrace that Han didn’t feel like he was physically there, but more of his spirit. Almost like a force ghost. But it didn’t matter. He’d take whatever opportunity the Force was giving him to speak with his dad.

As Han held him, he broke down in tears. All these years wanting to be embraced by his father and when he had the chance, motherkriffing Palpatine had stole that away by brainwashing him and making him think the only way to be a true Vader was to snuff the light out of him. And that light of course was his father, because his father represented the good in him. Of course later on he found out that Rey was his light. But still in that moment he believed that killing his father was the answer to everything. Instead it only tore him apart further than he already was. If only he could have seen the truth his father told him on that bridge. How things could have been different. Maybe his mom would still be alive, his father would still be alive, they would probably be present the moment he and Rey would become united as husband and wife. But now all he had was this moment the Force was giving him. So, crying his eyes out and now that the force had given him a second chance he was going to say what he’s been wanting to say since the day he committed the atrocious act.

_“Dad, I’m sorry, I never meant to... I didn’t want to kill you. I thought it was the only way to end the pain, but it only made it worse. I’m sorry dad. I know I don’t deserve your forgiveness, but please believe me when I say I never meant to kill you.”_

His dad let go of the embrace and touched his face just like he did on Starkiller Base after he had just stabbed him and on the ruins of the Death Star where he decided to let Kylo die.

Han spoke, “Ben, I know. I know you never meant to. I knew it that day on the base too. I knew that piece of Sith shit was the one playing with your mind. I knew he was the one pulling the strings. That is why you don’t need to ask for my forgiveness son. What you did was not your fault. And because it is not your fault is the reason you need to let go of your guilt Ben. Your guilt is holding you back from true happiness. You have an amazing girl who cares for you and who rumor has it is also carrying the next Solo.” Han smiled at Ben and then continued, “You know I always thought we would be sitting together when you told me that you had met the one, I never expected for me to meet her before you, let alone be the one who led her to you. But, I’m glad I did, because she along with your mother helped you come back.”

_“And you.”_ Ben told him.

Han looked at him confused, “What are you talking about kid, I’ve been lord knows where this whole time.”

_“When I let Kylo die and decided to take up Ben Solo again, I imagined I was talking to you and you were the one that told me that Kylo was dead and Ben was alive.”_

Han looked surprised and chuckled, “Well I’m good I was good for something. But back to the matter of things kid. What is holding you back? I can sense there’s remorse for what you did and like I said it was not your fault.”

_“But..”_ Ben started saying but was immediately cut off by Han.

“But nothing. I know what you’re going to say, Ben. That you chose to do it anyway. But tell me this, do you think you could have fought the voices off. Could you really?”

_“I did after Rey and mom helped me, but..”_ he didn’t get to finish because Han cut him off again.

“See and that’s the difference Ben, you had your mother and Rey to help you. And don’t say that why didn’t you fight them off when you were younger because the truth is we were not really there for you. Having Goldenrod and R2 as nannies does not help in fighting off parasitic Sith filth voices.” Han said in a very matter of fact tone.

“So again I’m going to ask you, what is holding you back from happiness Ben?” It almost sounded as if his father was pleading with him. It’s funny that after all these years perhaps his dad had picked up some things from his mom.

He knew what it was, he knew deep within. _“I’m afraid. I’m afraid to give all my love to Rey and that one day she will wake up and realize that I’m a monster. That she will one day be repulsed by all that I have done. I’m afraid that she will walk away telling me to never come close to her or our child ever again.”_

Han looked at him and said, “Kid, from what I understand, you gave your life for that girl. You pretty much gave her all your love. If she does not understand that, then maybe she is not the girl I thought she was.”

_“No dad, she is amazing. And she has been trying to reassure me that I am enough for her. But I guess it is also fear that I will not be good enough. That I will not be all she needs even though she says it. That I will not be enough for our child.”_ He was embarrassed to say the next part and so he looked down and fidgeted his hands, _“Heck, I can’t even bring myself to satisfy her through her sexual frustration because of my insecurities.”_

“Well first of all listen to your girl. She’s got a point. And second, I mean you already knocked her up how hard can it be to keep satisfying her. I don’t remember force users needing any special needs. Well at least your mother didn’t.”

Running a hand through his hair Ben nervously responded, _“Uhm, yeah I didn’t necessarily knock her up the usual way. When I transferred my life force to her, well I helped create your grandchild as well.”_

“Oh, so you haven’t been there with her yet.” Han said matter of factly.

_“Nope.”_ Ben said, still not able to look at Han.

“Oh, well then I wish I could say the pregnancy stuff gets easier, but once that second trimester hits, well lets just say sometimes I couldn’t keep up with your mother.”

_“Uhm dad, I don’t really want to know about, uhm, yeah about you and mom that way.”_ He was embarrassed enough already to have to talk about this with his dad, let alone have to hear about his father and mother’s sexual relationship.

“Alright, alright. I’m guessing from what you told me, that you haven’t been intimate with anyone else either. I knew Luke was a hermit, did not expect the freaking Sith to be as well. I mean otherwise Luke and your mother wouldn’t be around.” He could tell his father was trying to loosen the tone of the conversation.

_“Let’s not go there dad and besides Anakin was a Jedi when he married my grandmother. And you don’t have to give me the talk. I did not become the master of the Knights of Ren and not pick up a thing or two from their countless stories of encounters with women. So, I know what to do, I’m just afraid of not knowing what she wants, what she likes.”_ He was just as embarrassed to express his insecurities to Han.

“Well at least you picked up something useful from those sons of a bitches.” Han told him, the tone of relief in his voice like he was glad he wouldn’t have to have that talk with his thirty year old son, however he continued, “But in regard to being with Rey, well all you have to do is ask what she wants. I know you’re having doubts right now and that’s fine. Just go along with whatever feels right for the two of you.”

Even though he was still embarrassed to be having this conversation with this dad. He was glad he could have it. He was just glad to have another moment with his father and apologize for what he did. Just being able to do that, somehow lessened the burden, the guilt he felt. He was not free of that guilt, yet, but it would not hold him back either.

Han looked up at him, placed his hand on his shoulder and said, “I wish I could stay longer and talk Ben, but I’m getting a sign from your grandfather...” Han ran a hand over his face, “force I will never get used to Vader being my father in law.”

Ben burst out in laughter.

Han clapped a hand on his shoulder and said, “Glad you find me amusing, anyway, your grandfather is telling me he can’t keep me here much longer. But I just want you to know that I love you Ben. Always have and always will.” Han then embraced Ben as tight as his force projection allowed him to.

Tears ran down Ben’s eyes as he felt that final embrace from his dad. Maybe this was the closure he needed to begin moving on.

_“I love you too dad.”_ Force it felt good to be able to say that to his dad one last time.

Han let go of him but still held him at arms length, with his hands on Ben’s shoulders.

“Now don’t let the past stop you and go take care of your girls.”

_“Girls? We don’t even know, what we’re having yet.”_

“Something tells me it’s a girl. Take care of yourself kid.”

Han smiled at him and just like his mom did earlier, he faded away.


	13. Chapter 13

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Ben and Rey begin to explore ways to help her with all that pent up sexual frustration.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> First of all. It took me weeks to write this one because I couldn’t find where to go with it.   
> Second, this is my first time writing any kind of lemon, smut, whatever you want to call it. Bottom line is: I’m not good at it so you have been warned and I am sorry if you’re left disappointed. However, this is not the only lemon, there will be a few more along the way, whether they are perfect or not. Anyways enjoy.   
> ____________________________________________________________________________

She would be lying if she said she was not pissed because she was. She was tired of everyone, specially men telling her what she should do and what she deserved. It specially bothered her that Ben was doing the same. Here the man was going on about how he needed to make himself worthy of her, but he was not letting her have a say on whether she believed he was worthy or not. So when he went on again with the same bantha shit, she’d had it. She was nauseous every morning, her boobs were hurting, and she was sexually frustrated. The last thing she needed was to be told what she deserved or did not deserve by someone other than her.

However, during meditation things became clear to her as well. It became clear she was acting like some bratty sexually frustrated girl. Sure she felt like others were taking away her right to choose, but was she not doing the same to Ben. Forcing him to sate her sexual needs when he was still battling the demons that told him he was not worthy of anything good in his life.

_Damn it, I kriffed it up._ Here she was trying to prove her point all the meanwhile being a hypocrite. She would have to apologize to Ben for how she reacted.

Apart from her epiphany, while she was meditating she felt a stir in the force. At first she thought it was the baby, but no, this force signature felt different. Familiar, but she couldn’t put a name to who or what it was. Perhaps the pregnancy was making her more sensitive to the force. However, her train of thought was interrupted as she heard Ben coming up the stairs.

“Hey, are you feeling better?” Ben asked as he was approaching her.

_“Yes, I am but first I need to apologize to you Ben.”_

He gave her a look of confusion, “Apologize? For what? You have not done nothing wrong Rey. Why should you be apologizing? I mean I know...”

She stopped him before he could finish speaking, _“I need to apologize for trying to pressure you into doing something you’re not ready to do. I have made this whole ordeal about my sexual frustration and about others telling me what to do, but it never crossed my mind what I was doing to you Ben. And for that I am sorry.”_

“Rey, it’s ok, I mean I can feel the pregnancy is making you feel uncomfortable and you shouldn’t have to deal with this alone. I will not let you deal with this alone.”

She went up to him and wrapped her arms around his torso and leaned her head against his chest. _“Thank you, but I shouldn’t force you to do something you’re not ready to do. Like you said I’m not alone in this, but neither should you be alone in your struggle. Yes, I am sexually frustrated but it should not be the only reason we take that step forward. When we’re both ready, then we can decide to take that next step together.”_

Ben lifted her chin and he bent down to place a soft kiss on her lips.

When they broke apart, he smiled at her. He gave her that smile that by now she had claimed as hers.

Ben kept holding her and said, “Thank you, for understanding. But just as you had some time to meditate. I did some meditating of my own and well someone helped me realize what is holding me back.”

She looked up at him and asked, _“Someone?”_

Ben looked at her, happiness etched on his face. He looked happier than he had been since he had arrived at the farm. “I don’t think you’ll believe me, but somehow my mother came to talk to me, telling me she sensed something was off. And then...”

She did not let him finish as realization hit her, “ _Oh, so that’s who I felt. I knew I felt another force signature here. Weird though, it didn’t feel like your mom. Well it did, but there was something else.”_

“That’s where I was getting to” Ben said smiling.

_“Oh, sorry”_ she said feeling the embarrassment of getting ahead of herself.

“Somehow, I don’t know how, but Anakin was able to manage for my dad to come back through the World between Worlds. I got to see my dad, Rey. I got to tell him that I was sorry for what I did. I got to talk with him about what was holding me back and he helped me see it clearly.”

As Ben said this she couldn’t believe what she was hearing. How could Han come back if he was not force sensitive, but in the moment she also noticed that there was a tone of relief and happiness to Ben’s voice. And for that she was thankful.

_“Ben, how was that possible?”_ She asked, still in disbelief.

“I don’t know, but he helped me realize that my guilt and fear were holding me back. I still feel guilt for what I did to my father. For what I did to the galaxy.”

_“Ben, we’ve been over this. What you did, it’s not something you could avoid. My diabolical grandfather was manipulating your mind.”_

“Yes I know, but you have to understand that forgiving myself for what I did is easier said than done. I thought I had forgiven myself when I was in the in-between, but once I found you, I realized I had fooled myself and mentally I still got a lot to work on. But talking with my dad, helped me relieve myself from some of that burden. But then there was another thing that was holding me back...”

He held her tighter but looked deep into her eyes as he continued, “I was afraid that I wouldn’t be enough for you, that all the love I had to give would not be enough to keep you with me. I am still afraid that one day you will wake up and realize you have fallen in love with a monster. I mean you did call me that once.”

She could tell that there was fear in his eyes as he poured out his soul to her. His demons continued to haunt him.

_“Ben, I didn’t know Snoke or Palpatine were controlling you then. But do you think I would have come to you on the Supremacy if I thought you were a monster? No, I would have listened to Luke and stayed on Ahch-To. I knew there was good in you Ben, just like I know there is all this light and good in you now. You gave me the rest of your life force for Force’s sake, just so there could be hope. I know what I said then, but I am telling you now Ben Solo you are many things, but a monster is not one of them.”_

She held his face in her hands gently saying, _“Both me and our child will do what we can to prove it to you and help you through this.”_

He hugged her tightly and placed a kiss on her forehead and thanked her again before continuing his conversation where he left off.

“So, anyway my guilt and my fear are what have been holding me back, but I also want us to take this slow and not rush into it. I want us to take our time to learn about each other. But, I have thought of some ways I can help you with all that pent up frustration.” He then gave her an impish smile which made her wonder what did he have in mind.

She looked up at him and asked, _“What do you have in mind?”_

He took her hand and led her toward the hallway and into the room they shared the previous night.

And so she found herself in bed with Ben. He had taken his tunic off and she was straddling and kissing him and oh, did it feel so good. Yes, she wished she could be more intimate with him, but she also knew that they were in this together and she wanted them to take that step together. Kind of how they had gotten to where they were now. However, her mind did remind her that she did kind of coerced him into it for which she did feel a bit guilty.

Ben was holding her hips and helping her grind herself against him. He was so hard that every time she moved it hit that spot that sent waves across her body, not to mention Ben moving to meet her moves helped as well. She could tell they were both running out of breath and she was afraid once they broke apart he would stop, but she was mistaken, when he broke away to breathe he moved his mouth to her neck. He began trailing kisses down her neck, caressing it softly with his lips, then biting and sucking at her pulse point. If that was not enough to send her world spinning he then slipped his hands under her top, and grabbed one of her breasts. Her breasts were sensitive and that made her hiss, but at the same time him touching her breast felt amazing. However, she could tell that Ben was about to stop, worry on his face. “Are you alright? Did I hurt You?”

_“ I’m fine. Please don’t stop. It’s amazing what you’re doing. Keep going.”_

He removed his hand from her breast and she was about to complain when she noticed that he had moved his other hand from her hip and was now looking at her for permission to pull her top off. She nodded and lifted her arms to make it easier on him. He then went on to do the same to her breast band. He unwrapped it slowly and she would lie if she did not say that it was torture, but seeing the gentle and loving way he was undressing her only turned her on more.

As soon as her breast band was off she felt the cool air hit her nipples and felt them harden. However, the cold was soon replaced by the warmth of his hands as they grabbed onto her breasts and feeling how they seemed to fit perfectly in his hands. Well his hands were bigger, but her breasts were starting to get slightly bigger from the pregnancy. She hissed again at his touch.

He was trailing kisses down her neck, to her chest, and then took her by surprise as he removed his hand from one of her breasts and replaced it with his mouth. He bit and rolled her nipple in his mouth gently and it caused her to let out a loud moan. She thought the attention he was giving to her breast was enough to almost bring her to the edge but he surprised when he looked straight into her eyes and said, “Rey, I want to try something. Do you trust me?”

She was so lost in their activities that all she could do was nod.

He stopped what he was doing to her and even though she lamented it, her curiosity got the best of her and she wanted to know what Ben had in mind.

It was like he was holding his breath, because he let a breath out and then nervously said, “Ok, I need you to turn around and sit down with your back against me.”

She did as he instructed and as soon as she did he once again began to trail kisses down her neck, but with his hands he was exploring her upper body. He slowly slid his hands from her shoulders to her arms, then moving them to her breast. He grabbed them gently before continuing the exploration down her body. When he reached her waist and the waistband of her pants, he stopped and whispered in her ear, “Do you trust me?”

The feeling of his breath against her ear was making her feel even more aroused and all she could muster to say was, _“Uhuh”_ while nodding against his chest.

He hooked his thumbs under her waistband and waited for her permission to remove them.

When she lifted herself slightly, he took it as a yes and began to slowly pull them off. He stopped momentarily when he reached her lower abdomen. He smiled at her and placed a hand over the small bump she could tell was starting to form. He then resumed his undressing of her. Once he reached her knees she helped by bending them and when he reached her ankles she somehow managed to kick them off. She then sat back on her knees and leaned her back against him.

Once again he continued the exploration of her body, all the while he kept worshipping her neck with kisses. Starting at her waist and then slowly tracing her hips, her thighs, and down her legs. He was slowly making his way back again, and oh what it was making her feel. She did not know what to call it. On one hand it felt like his slow exploration was pure torture, but on the other it was increasing her arousal.

When he reached the waistband of her underwear he stopped and she craned her neck to look at him. He bent down and pressed his lips against hers tracing her lips with his tongue to give him entrance.

While distracted by the kiss she could feel Ben move his hand into her underwear and slide his fingers in between her folds.

She moaned into the kiss and had to break it off to breathe.

What he was doing to her, _oh force_. If she thought what he was doing to her first would throw her over the edge, this would for sure undo her.

He explored her breasts with one hand and her folds with the other.

And she heard him whispered to her, “Force, Rey, you’re so wet.”

He then moved his hand slightly higher and began rubbing circles on her swollen bud. He started out slowly, but then he increased the pressure.

She knew this was it, she could feel her core tightening and this heat rising up.

_“Oh Force, Ben, I think I’m going — I’ gonna..”_ she didn’t get to say it because then she heard Ben whisper in her ear “Let go, Rey, come for me.”

She then found herself breathlessly moaning out his name as she came undone.

Ben moved to lay her down gently on the bed and then he laid down next to her, sounding almost out of breath as her. It wasn’t until now that she realized it was better to start out slow, because even though she was sexually frustrated and wanted more. She had to admit this learning about each other had it’s advantages.

She moved herself closer to him and started slowly tracing his torso. She saw how he closed his eyes and was enjoying the moment. She took it as a sign to go further, so when she reached the waistband of his pants, she was surprised when he grabbed her hand to stop her.

_“Don’t you want to? I mean after how good you just made me feel. I want you to feel good too.”_ She told him quietly.

He looked at her and gave her a quick kiss before saying, “Not tonight. Tonight was about you.”

She smiled at his and reminded herself not to feel bad. They would be taking their time to know each other.

She reached over to grab her top to put it back on, foregoing her breast band. She laid down next to him and felt sleep trying to claim her. As her eyes started to close she felt him pull her closer to him and then place his hand on her small baby bump and say, “Rest my love, I’ll still be here when you wake.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I have like two more chapters written that I have to edit, one I am playing with. I’m assuming I’ll be at maybe 20 chapters when I’m done with this story. But idk, yet. I also don’t know when my next update will be as the end of the semester is around the corner and that means papers are due, exams, so on and so on. It is my hope to finish this story before Summer classes start because with online learning I feel they will dominate my life.   
> Further, thank you to everyone who has left me kudos. It’s one of the reasons why I keep going with this story.


	14. Chapter 14

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Rey has an odd dream and wakes up to see Ben and Poe arguing.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So, I had a debate with myself while editing this chapter. Something didn’t feel right with the way I had originally intended it to be. I did my best, but it’s not my best work. Sorry. Once again, my work is not Beta’d so I apologize for the typos and mistakes.  
> ____________________________________________________________________________

She had fallen into a peaceful sleep, however it was not dreamless. In her dreams she saw flashes of a man and a woman. One of them she knew was Anakin Skywalker. The woman on the other hand she had not seen before, however she was very beautiful, her face and even hairstyle resembled that of Leia. This led her to conclude this could only be Luke and Leia’s mother, which meant she was Ben’s grandmother. She could tell they were in a building of some kind, but grandiose by the looks of it. She looked nervous, yet there was a glow to her face.

_“How does that even happen?”_ Rey asked her self.

The woman started talking, “Something wonderful has happened.” She paused briefly before saying, “Ani, I’m pregnant”. She could tell Anakin was nervous but happy as well, “Well that’s..that’s wonderful.” He looked so happy. The woman on the other hand still looked nervous. Anakin kept talking, but his voice was cut of by Rey’s own thinking.

_“Why the kriff am I seeing this?”_ she was confused as to why was she dreaming about Ben’s grandparent’s.

Then the image faded into another scene, now they seemed to be in some household of some kind. It still was better looking than any interior she had ever seen. The woman was on a balcony brushing her hair. She was wearing a beautiful blue night gown. Anakin was looking at her as if he was blinded by love and no one else existed but her. The same way Ben would look at her.

The woman then turned and spoke while continuing to brush her hair, “Ani I want to have our baby back home on Naboo. We can go to the lake country were no one will know, where we can be safe.”

She stopped and smiled at Anakin, “I can go early and fix up the baby’s room. I know the perfect spot, right by the gardens.” She was about to ask herself what the kriff was going on with her dreams. Maybe it’s pregnancy brain her mind said, right before she was woken up by what sounded like yelling.

“What the kriff, is going on, your were supposed to be dead! What did you do to Rey!”, she could hear Finn yelling.

“I did nothing to her! She’s asleep!”, Ben yelled back, he knew he had done something “with” her, but that was not something he was going to discuss with these two nerfherders.

“Ren, why are you shirtless and what are you doing laying next to Rey?! Did you drug her?!”, she could hear Poe say.

“Drug her? Are you insane, just as you are deaf?! I said I did nothing to her!” He yelled back before saying “And my name is Ben” through gritted teeth

“Well, you hurt her enough when you faked your death! What did you think was going to happen, huh?! Fake your death and you wouldn’t have to pay for all the crimes you committed.” Poe was yelling back.

Rey could tell from Ben’s fire back that he was getting upset, “I didn’t fake anything and if you want me to stand trial, I’ll do it. Just name the time and planet Dameron. I know what I did and I’m ready to pay for it if need be.”

No she could not, would not allow him to stand trial. She knew they would try him as a war criminal, a murderer. She knew there was only one sentence they would give him and she would not allow it, not when she had just gotten him back. Her train of thought was stopped though by the sound of someone else’s voice.

“If need be is right. And what’s all the racket, I can hear you three yelling all the way, across the base. Ah, young Solo, I see you’ve made your way back.”

“Hey, Maz.” Rey could hear Ben, he sounded so much like Han, the way he said it.

She recalled Maz telling her on Ajan Kloss about how she knew Ben when he was a child and apparently he remembered her as well.

“Maz?! You knew about this?”, by now Rey had opened her eyes and could see BB-8 projecting a holo communication of Finn, Poe, and apparently now Maz. Finn looked shocked at Maz’s revelation.

“Of course I knew you dim wit. Don’t you remember Rey telling you she was feeling something odd in the force and you came asking me about it.” Maz responded to Finn.

“Well yes I do remember that.” Finn responded looking like a scolded child.

“And what did I say?” Maz repeated.

“That you felt a shift in the Force, as if something was being born or reborn.” Finn said holding his head down.

Poe then turned to Maz and said, “Maz, if you knew Ren was back, why did you not say anything? He’s a war criminal, he needs to stand trial, he’s with the First Order, he’s their Supreme Leader.”

“I’m no longer with the First Order, nor am I their Supreme Leader. I left the order shortly after my fight with Rey on Kef Bir. When I was battling with her, I had the upper hand, that was until I heard the voice of my mother, which stopped me from hurting Rey. Of course that left me wide open for attack and so Rey stabbed me with Kylo’s saber before realizing too, that my mother had passed. I was dying, but Rey healed me. When she did that I realized all the wrong I had done. I decided to leave Kylo Ren, behind and become Ben Solo once again. After I followed Rey to Exogol, knowing I had to help her, be with her. But I also knew I has to fight for what my mother stood for, what she fought for so long.” When he finished she could tell Ben was not upset, if anything, it sounded like there was remorse in his voice.

Rey, feared Ben would relapse and start blaming himself again. She couldn’t let that happen, she new it was time to intervene.

“Yeah, and you think...”Poe started saying before she cut him off.

_“Poe that’s enough.”_ Rey said, she was thoroughly upset at Poe, specially after she had shared with him and Finn, the fact that Ben had sacrificed himself for her on Exogol. That without him, she would not had lived.

“Rey, how long have you been awake?” Ben asked

.

_“Long enough to hear this nerfherder harass you.”_ She said directing herself at Poe.

“Rey, why didn’t you tell us Re..” Rey glared at Poe giving him a look that said “Say Ren one more time, I dare you”.

“Fine, why didn’t you tell us Ben was, back. I thought you said he was dead.”

_“He was, but somehow the force brought him back. You heard Maz telling Finn, about the disturbance I felt. Well he was part of the reason for that disturbance. And I didn’t tell you he was back because I feared you would react just like you’re reacting right now.”_

Maz cut in right after, looking at Poe, “Poe what do you think Leia, would do if she were still alive and had the chance to have her son back with her one more time?”

Rey could tell hearing Maz say this was getting to Ben, she could tell his eyes started tearing up.

Poe looked up at Ben and Rey, he sighed and said, “She would fight for him, defend him to the end. And I know that if I didn’t do the same she would have my head.” He pinched the bridge of his nose and sighed once again then continued, “Look, I’m not saying he won’t stand trial Rey, I’m sorry. But, if you were ever to be found, the sentencing would be more severe. Lando, Maz, Finn, and myself are on the council to rebuild a new government. I think that if we were to speak up for Ben, we can at least avoid a harsh punishment. That’s of course is on the condition he helps us track down any First Order and Sith sympathizers.”

Rey was afraid, she knew that if Ben were to stand trial, it could go either way, even with the leaders speaking up on his behalf. She was about to tell Poe, that he could forget about his offer before Ben spoke.

“I’ll do it.”

_“Ben, no you can’t, they could ask for your execution. I can’t lose you, we, she held her abdomen, We can’t lose you not again.”_

“Rey, this may be the only way. I have to pay for what I did one way or another.”

She was about to argue but she heard, Finn.

“Rey, you said Ben was one of the reasons for the disturbances in the Force, and then just now you said ‘We can’t lose you.’ What is going on, Rey. There’s something else you’re not telling us.”

“Finn, what does this have to do with..”

“Poe, shut up and let Rey talk.”

Rey felt nervous and sheepish about having to reveal this one bit.

_“Uhm, yeah about that. Well you see when Ben sacrificed his life for mine, you could say he got a bit carried away and not only brought me back to life, but he uhm, well he uhm...”_ Rey was about trying to find a way of explaining when Ben cut her off.

“Look I unintentionally got her pregnant through the Force, ok. When I transferred my force life to her, I created life as well.”

“Oh, Kriff. You knocked her up with the Force!” Poe shouted, before turning to Finn and asking, “Is that even possible, how does that work?”

“How the hell am I supposed to know, I just started learning about this.”

“Yes, it is possible to “knock up” a person with the Force. That is how my whole lineage came to be. My grandfather, Anakin Skywalker, Vader, was conceived through the Force. Our child is the only other case that I know of.”

“Well thanks for the clarification, Ben. And this sure changes things. Look, let me get together with the council and work something out. Leia would’ve had me hanged, drawn, and quartered if I left her only grandchild without a father. Just do me a favor. If you plan on leaving to another planet, give me a heads up. For now I’ll have to keep tabs on you, at least that way the rest of the council does not believe you’re trying to avoid trial. I’ll be keeping in touch. Take care of yourself Rey and your child. See you around Ben.”

“See you later Rey.” Finn said.

Maz looked at both Rey and Ben and said, “Take care of each other. I have a feeling you’re about to start on an interesting journey.”

“Thank you Maz and Poe, thank you for giving me a fighting chance.” Ben said before the Holo comm cut off.

As soon as comm cut off, Rey knew that she needed to talk to Ben about what she saw. If things were going to change they needed to get a move on.

_“Ben?”_

“Yes.”

_“What do you know about your grandmother?”_

“Which one?”

_“Leia’s mother, Anakin’s wife.”_

“Why are you asking me about my grandmother, what is this about Rey.” Worry was etched on Ben’s face, what did this have to do with what just occurred.

_“I think I dreamt of her and Anakin. I feel like they were trying to tell me something.”_

“And what is that?”

_“Did your grandmother have a home on Naboo?”_

“How do you know about..”

_“I’m telling you, I dreamt of your grandparent’s and your grandma mentioned Naboo.”_

“Yes she did have a home out there, but everything she had went on to pass to my mom and Luke once their lineage was revealed. But since they’re gone, I guess the house passes on to me.” Ben looked like he was having an epiphany.

_“So if we wanted to live there we could?”_ Rey asked him.

“Well, yes I guess if that’s what you wanted, I guess we could. But with a possible pending trial, it may change things. However, I’m not the only one who has ties to Naboo.”

_“What do you mean, who else had ties to Naboo?”_ She was curious about who else could have ties to the planet mentioned in her dreams.

“You.” Ben told her.

_“What are you talking about. I have never even been to Naboo.”_ She was afraid of what was coming next because she could guess where it was going and she did not like it.

“You have never been to Naboo, Rey, however Palpatine was born on Naboo. Palpatine before becoming Chancellor or Emperor was Senator to Naboo. So indirectly you have ties to Naboo.”

She could care less if Palpatine had a castle in Naboo, she wanted nothing to do with it.

_“I understand, but I never knew him except for when we destroyed him on Exogol.”_

“I didn’t destroy him love, you did. He threw me off a cliff remember.” Rey could tell he was trying to lighten the mood, however she was not going to have it.

_“I may have been the one to deliver the final blow, but you were there to help me. But that’s not my point. My point is I don’t want to have anything to do with the Palpatine name. Before you got here, a woman asked me who I was and I told her I was Rey, Rey Skywalker.”_

“You took my family name?”

_“Yes, I did because I felt closer to your family than I ever felt to mine.”_

Ben went behind her and pulled her toward him, wrapping his arms around her and placing his hands on her abdomen.

“Well regardless of whatever name you took, you are my family. You and our child are my family. But, I want to ask you, do you want to go to Naboo?”

She thought about it and she could find no other explanation that the dream was trying to tell her to go there.

_“Yes, I feel like we’re meant to go there. Like we’re meant to start over.”_ Rey said to him, hoping he’d understand.

Rey’s words reminded Ben of what Anakin had said to him when he had woken up on Tatooine, “Maybe it is not about avoiding the mistakes I made, but more about starting all over again.”

“Ok, let’s go to Naboo, then. But first I need to tell you something.”

_“And what would that be?”_ Rey was curious of where Ben was going with this.

He let her go but he moved in front of her and held her hands

.

_“Ben, where are you going with this?”_ She was anxious and curious now.

Ben looked just as anxious as her as he started to speak.

_____________________________________________________________________________________

He was nervous about what he was about to do. He had been thinking about this for a while now. Heck, he had been thinking about this back when he was Ren, when he held out his hand for her. Then again when he retuned to being Ben. Then when he so-called died he thought he would never get the chance to ask her.

But then the Force gave him a second chance and at first when he believed she was having a child with another man, he thought his opportunity to take that leap was gone. But now, the way things were unfolding and after having that conversation with his parents, and now learning there was a chance he would stand trial, he wanted to make sure Rey and their child would be taken care of. He thought, _“Better now than never.”_

So he moved in front of her and took her hands, deciding to pour his heart out to her.

_“Rey, every day before you came into my life, I had no purpose. I was crazy and wild, but I was also trapped, always jumping hurdles, trying to prove to Snoke, to the galaxy, to myself that I could be just as good if not better than Vader. I can’t explain what it felt like, but if I had to I guess it was like having a broken compass and going in circles. Always the same thing of trying to prove myself. I was lost.”_

He could tell Rey still didn’t know where he was going with this and he was glad for it.

_“Rey, I’ve made lots of mistakes, heck I will continue to make mistakes, I can guarantee you that. I have hurt so many people, done so many horrible things, and this second chance the force, that perhaps your friends will give me is more grace than I deserve for sure.”_

“Ben where are you going with this?” She asked him, worry etched on her face.

_“Please let me finish.”_ He said softly.

_“All that time I was always in the wrong place at the wrong time and chasing all the wrong things. And just when I thought I was on the right path, you came into my life, and even though it was not an immediate change, you brought light into my life.”_

It was hard to continue but he knew it had to be done for him to say what he needed to.

_“When I committed the most horrible act against my father, it was because I thought he was the light in me. But I was wrong. It was you. You were my light. You brought light into the darkness within me. And now that our child is about to join our lives I can feel that light getting stronger. I guess where I’m trying to go with all this is that of everything I’ve done in my life, there’s only thing I got right. And that is you.”_

He let go of her hands and ran his hands through his hair before saying, _“Kriff, I should have planned better for this. I mean I have nothing to ask you with.”_

If she looked lost before, now she looked baffled because she had no idea whatsoever what was going on.

“Ben, what is...”, but she was stopped as he got off the bed.

Then Ben got down on one knee, grabbed hold of her left hand and asked, _“Rey, will you marry me?”_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I will try and update sooner. I’m on break for like a week and a half before the Summer term starts and then my life will once again be dominated by school which means less time to focus on this lovely Dyad in The Force. I want to get close to the end before everything else in life takes over.  
> Also, this chapter was influenced by songs on that playlist I had in repeat on my way to my XMAS vacation, the songs are “One Thing Right” by Marshmello & Kane Brown and “The One Thing” by Shakira.


	15. Chapter 15

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Rey gives Ben an answer.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> It’s a short chapter, but I hope you like it. Again my work is not Beta’d so I apologize for any errors.  
> ____________________________________________________________________________

The only thing he heard come out of her mouth was a gasp. He stayed in the same position waiting for her answer. He could feel his heart beating against his chest. It felt as it was going to pound itself out of his chest. The suspense was killing him and yet he couldn’t find the strength to speak. He was just as speechless as she was. He couldn’t take it any longer. He couldn’t stay like this. So, he mustered all the courage he had and called her name, even if the result of it would kill him on the inside.

_“Rey?”_

She looked down on him and helped him get off the floor and led him back to sit on the bed.

_Oh, this isn’t good. She’s going to say that she can’t. That she cares for me but can’t marry someone like me, specially if I am about to be tried as a war criminal. I mean who needs marriage right, we already have a child on the way. That’s enough. Right?_

But deep inside he knew his thoughts were fooling him. His mind was saying it was fine if she didn’t accept him as a husband, but his heart, his soul, was screaming at him that he would not be complete till he tied himself to Rey in every way possible. If she refused him, deep inside he would feel incomplete.

But he wouldn’t tell her that. He didn’t want Rey to feel obligated to tie herself to him. Yes, they may have a bond, share a soul, but he knew how to shut himself out from her. He would just have to learn how to keep that from her and soon.

Once again he called out her name, even though his heart couldn’t handle what he knew was coming.

_“Rey?”_

She was just quiet. _Maybe she’s trying to figure out a way to deliver the blow,_ he thought. _I might as well have her stop beating around the bush and deliver the blow myself. It’ll be better that way. Better for it to come from me, then to have it come from her lips._

_“Look Rey, I get it. We don’t have to get married. Forget I said anything. I mean we can be happy just the way we are. Just you, me, and our baby. Just forget I said it, and we can start planning on how we are going to get to Naboo.”_

She looked up at him and finally spoke, “Ben, you can be so complicated sometimes. Actually, I think that’s an understatement.”

_“Anything else? Rey, I just asked you to marry me and you just stayed quiet because I guess you couldn’t figure out how to just tell me ‘No’. So, I just decided to say it for you, in a sort of way. And I’m The one who’s complicated?”_

“Ugh, see that’s what I mean. Sometimes, you will overthink a situation and ruin a good thing.”

_“Wait, I ruined a good thing? How did this turn over to me?”_ He was in disbelief that the focus had tuned on him, when she was the one who couldn’t muster to say ‘no’.

“Because, you sometimes think you don’t deserve anything good, you big nerfherder. I- I was basking in the moment and trying to process what you had just asked me.”

_“Huh? Wait, what?” Basking in the moment?_ Now he was confused. 

Rey knelt down with him and held his face, “Look, I know you have your flaws, but so does every other human being. It’s what makes us human Ben. But I also know you are so loving and caring and selfless. You’re willing to go to extremes to protect what you love, even if it means giving up your life and happiness. Even when you returned and you thought I was with Poe, you were willing to not get in the way of me loving another, just so I could be happy. And just now, when you said that we could be happy just, you, me, and the baby because you thought it’s what I wanted. I know you have a lot to work on and I’m not going to try and do it for you, that’s for you to do. But I can assure you I will be with you, every step of the way. I love you too much Ben Solo, to not be tied to you. So stop overthinking or guessing what my answer is, because it’s a Yes.”

_“Say that again.”_ He said to her as if he was in a daze.

“Where you even listening to what I said?”

_“Yes, I did but I want to hear you say it again.”_

“Ben Solo, I love you and Yes, I will marry you.”

He probably had the goofiest smile on his face. He caught her up by surprise and picked her up spinning her around, telling her _“Thank You, Thank You!”_ He could hear her giggle as she wrapped her arms around his neck.

“Ben you’re going to make me dizzy spinning me like that!” She said while still giggling.

He set her down, but didn’t let her go.

He leaned his head toward her and crashed his lips against hers. They kissed until both of them had to break apart to breathe.

He pressed his forehead against hers and even though he was out of breath he said, _“I love you, Rey. You’ve have given me life, joy, and love and I can’t wait for the day that we get to bond each other in every way possible.”_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So, this chapter was influenced by Camila Cabello’s ‘Easy’. It’s actually one of the songs that inspired me to write this in the first place. I couldn’t get out of my head seeing Rey and Ben having a similar dialogue. Anyways, I am going to keep working on more chapters. This was the last chapter I pretty much had completed, so now I just have to hope the Force gives me further inspiration for the rest of the chapters, even though I have the ending already set in my head.


	16. Chapter 16

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Ben has the opportunity to find something special for Rey.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> First of all thank you to everyone, who has left me kudos on this work. I would not be able to continue without your support. Second, well this story is running much longer than I expected. What I imagined to be like a 15-20 chapter story, just keeps growing in my head. So, please be patient with me as I put those ideas onto my notepad and edit them as best as I can. Anyways, enjoy and I will keep working on those chapters so we can give these love birds their HEA.  
> ____________________________________________________________________________

After having come down from the bliss of Rey agreeing to be his wife he decided to go and make her a meal, he had heard her stomach growl enough to know she was hungry, even if she tried to hide it.

I guess having grown up on Jakku she had grown accustomed to it. But he promised himself that he would make sure that she nor their child would ever have to experience hunger or any other hardship ever again.

He would do everything in his power to give her everything he felt she deserved and more.

However when he opened the conservator he realized there wasn’t much food left.

“Kriff, I guess I’m going to have to go out and buy more.”

But then he realized that one he did not even know where to go shopping for food, and two he had no currency on him to pay for it. _Some future husband I’m turning out to be_ , he thought.

He decided to ask Rey, where she had gotten her food from, when she came out of the bedroom. It was now their bedroom as they had been sharing it for the past few nights. And so far those past few nights had been some of the best of his entire existence.

He was about to ask her, but it was like she had read his mind.

“Would you mind coming with me to the village? I think it’s time to restock on food. I mean I’m used to surviving on the minimal, but now with the baby on the way and you here, we need more. And what we have here on the moisture farm alone is not enough.”

_“I was actually about to ask you, but Rey how have you been paying to sustain yourself. Don’t get me wrong, but I know you didn’t have much before your joined the resistance and believe me when I know they didn’t have much to pay either.”_

“No offense taken,” she said. “And actually, well uhm...well after your mom passed she actually left me a large sum of money. Well it’s what would have been yours. I guess she knew you’d come back somehow. And well, I can transfer it to you whenever you want, I mean I’m sure well have to..”

He cut her off though, he walked up to her and held both of her hands in his placing a kiss on them, and giving her that smile of his.

_“I don’t need you to transfer anything to me. I was serious when I said what’s mine is yours. I’m just glad we have credits to pay with. Wait, does Tatooine accept credits? I thought they only took their own currency.”_

“Yes, the credits will do fine. I think we’ll have to take the red speeder you arrived in though because I don’t know if we will both fit on the speeder bike and as much as I’d like to feel pressed against you, I don’t want to take my chances.”

_“Me neither.”_ He told her.

When they arrived to the village post, they walked by holding hands and stopping at certain posts getting what they needed and wanted. The good thing was that not many people in the outer rim planets knew the face of Kylo Ren, so that made it easy for him to be out with Rey out in the open.

Sometime during their shopping Rey told him she wanted to go look for parts for the ship she had brought with her as she had left the Falcon with Lando and Chewie in the meantime.

This gave him the perfect opportunity to explore, when he saw what he was looking for. There in one of the posts an old woman was selling jewelry. It was simple but beautiful. At first he had thought about giving Rey, his mother’s engagement ring, but he thought better of it. He wanted to leave as much of the past behind and create a new path, with Rey. As Anakin had said, it wasn’t so much about avoiding mistakes but starting again. So when he saw the ring with it’s weaved metal, diamond, and pearl flowers, he immediately knew it was for her. It was a small, but it shined so bright, like a light. And that’s what she was to him, his beacon of light. And with it’s nature like look, he could tell it was for her, as he knew she loved nature. He didn’t care how much it cost, knowing now he had something to pay with he felt he would spare any expense for Rey.

When he approached, he asked the woman for the ring. “She must be a lucky one, who you’re buying this for. I’ve had this ring here for years and not one person has bought it, you’re the first one to ask. It’s an old heirloom, but I have no use for it anymore. You see the pearl flowers here, my grandmother would tell me, they came from the waters of Naboo.”

If that wasn’t enough of a sign for him, he didn’t what else was. _“Believe me, when I say I’m the lucky one and she deserves a beautiful ring like this and more.”_

He had to admit that probably no one asked for it because they thought it was too pricy. And even though it was costly, for Tatooine, he had enough credits to pay for it, and he gave the woman a few more and thanked her right before he saw Rey coming his way.

He had just enough time to hide the ring within his robes, when Rey approached him.

_“Did you get the parts that you needed?”_

“Yeah, did you get to do some looking around?”

_“You could say that.”_ And then he once again flashed that smile at her.

“You have a good man, with you sweetheart, don’t let him go. And may the Gods bless the two of you and the child growing within you.” The woman addressed herself to Rey.

“Thank you, but how do you know that I’m expecting?” She was barely showing how could the woman know.

“You have that mother’s glow, child.” The woman said with a smile.

“Thank you.” Rey said smiling at the woman.

Ben thanked her again, grabbed a hold of Rey’s hand and walked toward the speeder.

When they got home he set of to cooking for her. He enjoyed being able to take care of Rey and the child growing inside her womb. Their child. It still felt weird knowing that in a few months he would be a father. He would be lying if he said he was not nervous, but in a way he was looking forward to seeing Rey’s body swell as their child grew within her. But he also looked forward to the day he would get to set eyes on his daughter. Sure, Rey believed it was a boy, but he had a hunch just like his parents did that it was a girl. However, that was not important to him, as long as their child was healthy, he would take whatever the Force gave them.

“What are your thinking, about?” Rey had appeared in the kitchen all of a sudden.

_“What?”_

“You have that distant look, like you’re thinking or wondering about something.”

_“Oh, I was just thinking about how beautiful you’ll look once your body starts swelling from the pregnancy.”_

“Ugh, I don’t know if I will look beautiful. My belly will probably get in the way of everything. It was like that for some of the woman on Jakku. And that means we have limited physical time before we can’t do anything anymore.” She sounded like she was whining and she had a small pout on her face.

Ben went up to her and pressed a quick kiss to her lips and smiles before telling her, _“Well, then I guess we will just have to keep practicing.”_

“So, you want to continue where we left off earlier?”

_“Well I was planning, that after we ate, we could go outside and watch the sunset, then we could turn in and keep working where we left off.”_ He actually had other plans for that sunset, but he was not going to tell her that.

“That sounds like a plan to me.”

_“Alright, but first we have to get you fed.”_

She smiled at him and said, “I’m getting the feeling like you enjoy spoiling me.”

“Oh, you’re definitely right about that and you better get used to it sweetheart, because I will keep doing it as long as the Force allows me to.”

“That woman was right, I do have a good man with me and I’m never letting him go.”

He chuckled at her and then said, _“Alright, lets get you and our child fed.”_

It surprised Rey, that even though she woke up to morning sickness every morning, eating was not that big of an issue. She recalled stories of women not being able to keep anything down. She didn’t know if it was just their child was comfortable with any kind of food or if it enjoyed his father’s cooking. Regardless, she was thankful her sickness did not go beyond the morning.

While they were eating Ben asked her about her life with the resistance and whether she missed her friends. She’d be lying to him if she told him no, but she also knew that she had needed space at the time and now she knew why. The Force had led them to this spot so they could be together.

When they finished eating Rey, took care of the dishes, even though Ben protested, she won the argument by telling him they could take turns when it came to tasks. She was sure once they moved to Naboo, he would have droids for every other purpose. But just being able to do this, splitting a simple chore, made this seem more real than if she had twenty droids at her service.

When she finished cleaning up she followed him outside. He was sitting on the top of the hill that led downward to the farm. She sat down next to him, wrapped her arms around his bicep and leaned her head against his shoulder.

As the suns started setting he said, _“It’s truly beautiful isn’t it?”_

“Yes, it is.”

Ben turned towards her and grabbed a hold of her hands while looking deeply into her eyes.

_“Rey, this morning when I asked you to marry me. I was not prepared, sure it may have been on an impulse, but I have been wanting to ask you that since the first time when I offered you my hand.”_

“Ben, where are you going with this?” It frightened her that maybe he was having second thoughts about this not being the right time.

_“Oh, no Rey I think this is the perfect time for me to ask you.”_

She did not realize she had let that slip through the bond. “Ok, but you already asked me, what else is there?”

“ _This_ ,” he said as he knelt on one knee like he had done earlier, except now he had this beautiful ring held between his thumb and index finger. It was so beautiful. Simple, but intricate at the same time.

“Ben, it’s beautiful. How did you.. where did you..?” But he cut her off before she could finish her question, by asking her once again that special question.

_“Rey, you are my soul mate, my other half. Without you, I feel incomplete. Will you marry me and help me join our souls, our bond, as one.”_

She didn’t realize she was crying until she felt the tears running down her face. “Yes, yes! A thousand times yes!” She cried and then he placed the ring on her finger and suddenly it’s like their bond changed, like somehow it had become more solid, closer.

“Did you feel that?” She asked him.

_“Yes. Oh Rey, I love you. I don’t know how the Force believes I deserve this, but I will not take it for granted that’s for sure.”_ And then he crashed his lips against her, but this time the kiss was slow. It wasn’t urgent. If anything it was like they wanted to take their time exploring. And it seemed like that’s what he had in mind because when they broke off, he gave her that impish smile before saying, _“Now, how about you join me and we continue where we left off.”_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So, that ring. At first I thought about having Ben give Rey, Leia’s ring, wherever in the fictional world that is. But then, I came across this ring that looked simple, yet nature inspired. Anyways, I imagined the ring like the picture, but with a white diamond and mother pearls for the flowers. Also, about the ship, when I watched TROS I completely forgot Rey, arrived in the Falcon, and so I ended up going non-canon in one of the previous chapters and probably more now. So, I had to make something up to keep it flowing, otherwise I’d have to go back and change the storyline of that chapter and the others. But I can tell you they will get the Falcon back somehow. I hope to have more chapters posted soon and even though I know now I won’t have this done before I start the summer semester, at least I have written a few more chapters in the meantime.
> 
> Update: I totally forgot to include the picture. Here is the link to it:  
> https://www.flickr.com/gp/188581199@N02/707q3U


	17. Chapter 17

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Rey and Ben continue where they left off.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry this chapter took longer to post than expected. Once again thank you for all the kudos. Since I’m back at school even if it is via zoom. I may be updating randomly, but I am aiming for no more than two weeks passing before I can update. As before, I apologize for any typos. Also, I’m not good at writing smut, so sorry 😬. At least I gave it a try though. Anyways, enjoy.   
> ____________________________________________________________________________

They had started off again like they did earlier. She was topless and so was he. She was grinding her self against him, when she reached her peak. It was not as intense as what she felt when he aroused her with his fingers, but it was still breathtaking. She held on to him placing her head on his shoulders, while breathing heavily and coming down from her high.

She thought they were done, but then he started to gently lay her down on the bed. He looked at her with so much love in his eyes and said, _“I want to try something else. Do you trust me?”_

She only nodded at him, she was still breathless.

He slowly started going down body and stopped when he reached the waist band of her pants. Once again like he did last time, he gave her a look of asking for permission to which she only nodded again. 

He removed her pants first and then proceeded to remove her underwear.

As he removed her last garment she wondered if he had changed his mind about going all the way. He must have heard her through the bond because he told her, _“Not, yet but I do want to keep making you feel good.”_

For her to say that she did not feel exposed would be an outright lie. She now lay completely naked in front of him. Like no one else had ever seen her.

Yet, Ben had a look of amazement in his eyes. Like he was looking upon the most beautiful being in the universe.

_“You are so beautiful.”_ He whispered to her softly in her ear.

He then began to trail kisses down her body. He started from the nape of her neck, down her chest and breasts. Once again like the last he stopped to lavish her breast. He took one of her nipple into his mouth while he worked her other breasts with his hand. Then he switched and continued to do the same to the other. He then continued his exploration down her torso. As he approached her lower abdomen he started placing light kisses right above where her body had just started to lightly swell. He then continued trailing kisses down her lower abdomen, her thigh and leg and back up again starting with the other leg until he reached the apex of her legs.

He placed hands on both her bent knees and looked at her deeply asking once again, _“Do you trust me?”_

Breathlessly she answered, “Yes.”

He nodded at her then said, _“Rey, I’m going to need for you to open your legs wider. Is it ok?”_

She only nodded and allowed him to spread her legs and then watched as he dipped down with his face only inches from her most intimate region. She could feel his hot breath on her lower lips and it was starting to make her feel things she had never felt before.

He gently started touching her and then slipped a finger between her folds, feeling her and oh the things it was making her feel. _“Rey, you’re so wet.”_ He told her.

But then the sensation of his fingers were soon replaced by that of his mouth on her.

What she was feeling as he licked and sucked on her folds and clit was a feeling unlike non she had ever felt. She felt weightless. And the moans coming out of her mouth only egged him on further.

Where did this man come from and what had he done to Ben? What she was feeling was the light side, the dark, ecstasy and heaven all rolled into one. If grinding and his fingers on her felt good, what he was doing now exponentially increased that feeling. She could only imagine what it would be like when he finally was inside her.

And as she thought of him being inside her, he slowly inserted a digit inside her, moving it, in and out. He then added another as he continued his ministrations with his mouth.

She grabbed on to his hair and pulled in an attempt to keep him close to her as she bucked her hips toward him. She could hear him hiss, but noticed he still kept going in spite of the pain. Her moans only got louder as he continued. She was sure that had they been on Ajan-Kloss , the whole base would have been able to hear her. Thank the Force this moisture farm was not near anyone else’s home.

She could feel she was close , she could feel that familiar tightening in her core, her body starting to heat up, and as if he could sense her reaching her peak. He curled his fingers within her hitting a spot that threw her over the edge and he said, _“That’s it, Rey, let go. Come for me my love.”_

And she arched her back, grabbing on to the sheets in a tight grip, as she reached her climax, calling out to the Force and the stars before yelling his name. “OH, FORCE! STARS! BEN!!!!!”

He moved next her and laid down on his back almost just as breathless as her.

Although, he was out of breath he was able to say, _“Thank you for trusting me to do that. You’re truly the best thing I have tasted in all my life.”_

She turned to him and said, “No, thank you. I have never, well this is my first time experiencing anything like that. But, I thought you had not been with anyone.”

She said this slightly jealous that she may have been wrong.

_“No, you’re the first one I have ever done that with.”_ He was now on his side holding himself with one arm, while he was making trailing motions on her arm with his hand from the other.

“Where did you learn to do that?” Curiosity was getting the best of her.

Continuing his trailing touches on her arm he told her, _“It was something I picked up from one of the Knights of Ren. One night they were talking about their sexual encounters and one of them described doing that to a Twi’Lek he had been with.”_

“Wow, who knew you’d actually pick up something useful from them.”

He chuckled at her jab, _“Glad you liked it.”_

She thought about how good he made her feel. How caring and loving he had been with her. Sure he was not ready to be fully intimate. But she wanted to return the favor. Make him feel just as good. He had not allowed her to pleasure him earlier, but she would try again. But she thought that maybe the bed was not the best place to try it out.

“Ben, I’m going to hop in the shower before we turn in for the night. Would you care to join me?”

_“Uhm, yeah, sure.”_ He sounded nervous.

She got out of the bed not bothering to cover herself. He had already seen her, there was no need to hide herself from him.

She heard him groan before he said, _“Gods, Rey. Seeing you like that makes me want to kriff the shower and ravish you right here.”_

She turned her head toward him and said, “Well, you can still ravish me while we’re showering”, even though her intentions were for her to do the ravishing, but she would not tell him that.

***

She went into the ‘fresher and he followed her a couple minutes afterward. She was already standing under the running water as he entered the shower.

Seeing him there in front of her, fully naked, she could finally appreciate his full beauty.

He was so broad and muscular. His body was so beautifully toned, it almost looked like it was chiseled by some sculptor. But when her eyes landed on his groin, her eyes became wide and one thought crossed her mind, _Will it even fit inside me?_ Suddenly her insecurities got the best of her, but they were stopped as he approached her and pressed his lips against her.

Once again he had started exploring her body, but she stopped him remembering the purpose of having led him here.

“Rey, I thought you said you wanted to continue?” He was confused as to why she had stopped him.

_“No, I do, but I want to make this about you. You already made me feel good multiple times. It’s your turn, now.”_

He held her close to him as he told her, “Rey, you don’t have to repay me for how I made you feel. I wanted to do that.”

_“Yeah, but I also want to make you feel good, Ben. Can I at least, try?”_ She hoped he would give her that opportunity.

He looked nervous, but he simply nodded at her.

Rey began touching his body and placing kisses across his neck, his collar bone, his chest. She slowly moved her hands downward until the made their way down to his member. She grabbed hold of it gently and was slightly startled by the hiss he made.

_“Is this ok?”_ She asked nervously afraid she may be doing it wrong. His eyes were closed, but hissing he told her, “Yes.”

She was surprised that the skin felt so soft and yet it felt so hard as she used her hand to grip it and stroke it gently.

“Oh, Gods, Rey, that feels amazing” He said throwing his head back.

She kept stroking him, but slowly gained the courage to move forward. And so she continued placing kisses down his neck, his chest, his abdomen, she placed kissed all the way down until she was on her knees. Her hand was still stroking him and she was about to place her mouth around his cock, when he finally broke the silence and said, “Rey, you don’t have to. What you’re doing right now, that’s enough. You don’t have to do anything further to make me feel good. This already feel utterly amazing.”

_“I know, but I want to. Do you trust me?”_ She asked him. Just like he had asked for her trust, now she was asking for his. He looked down at her and nodded his head, giving her the sign to go forward.

She had never done this before, but she had seen some women on Jakku doing such an act. On Jakku, if you were not a scavenger, then the other choice was to sell your body to survive. Rey preferred the struggles of scavenging rather than latter.

She first licked the tip, tasting the precum on the tip, then continued her way further up his shaft with her hand. She could tell he was finding it pleasurable from the moans escaping his mouth. She then moved to slowly take him into her mouth. She took him in as far as she could go and using her hand to pleasure the rest of him.

“Force, Rey, yes. Ugh, that feels incredible.” He moaned out and bucked his hips forward. She was afraid she would gag, but she continued her ministrations on him.

She was caught by surprise when he grabbed a hold of her hair with one hand and guided her movements on his cock. She kept at it for a few more minutes, when she heard him say, almost hissing, “Rey, you’re going to have to let go. I’m about to __come and__ ugh___ I ...”

But she cut him off by telling him through their bond, _“That’s ok, I want to taste you. Let go, Ben. Let go.”_ And that did it. He let out a loud moan, “FORCE! Rey!!!!!!!!!!” She could feel as his spent hit the back of her throat. And even thought it was not exactly comfortable, it wasn’t unpleasant either. She swallowed and thanked the Force she had not gagged. He pulled her up from her knees. And crushed him lips to hers, tasting himself in the process. It was not pleasant, but it didn’t matter to him. He was more focused on the gesture. Then he broke apart and told her, “Thank You. That was, well that was amazing. It comes to a close second to getting to taste you.”

He was about to return the favor, when she told him. _“No, this was about you.”_ , and he smiled at her before placing a gentle kiss on her lips.

They finished showering after and when they finished they made their way to their bed. All their previous actions had left them exhausted. And when they laid down on their bed, Ben made his way to her abdomen and place his head there, placing light kisses on it. He then spoke to their child, “I’m so glad your mom and I created you and I can’t wait to meet you.”

Seeing him talk to their child growing within her brought on so much emotion, that she felt like crying tears of happiness.

He stayed there for a bit as Rey raked her hands through his soft locks. She must have lost track of time because next thing she he pressed her close to him wrapping his arms around her and placing his hand on abdomen as before. He pressed a kiss to her forehead, before sleep took a hold of him and her for the night.


	18. Chapter 18

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Poe comms Ben in the early morning and wishes he could do a memory wipe.

It was the early hours of the morning when Ben was woken up to yelling. He jolted from the bed completely naked, not caring about his lack of clothing, thinking someone may have broken into the farm. But no it was actually to dramatic yelling from Poe Dameron, who claimed to be traumatized at catching him and Rey naked in bed. He thanked the stars that lately Rey had become a heavy sleeper and was hardly woken up even by loud noises. 

“Ugh, you could have given me a warning BB-8, I did not expect to wake up to this.” He groaned, sitting back down on the bed, placing his head between his hands.

“Oh, trust me Solo, this is not the image I was hoping to find when I decided to contact you this morning. Ugh, I wish I could pull a 3PO and do a memory wipe! GAH! I’m scarred for life!” Poe was dramatically yelling.

“Oh, stop being so dramatic Dameron. You and FN-, I mean Finn are in a relationship together. And residents on a base, I’m sure you walked in on a thing or two.”

“Yes, but I never had to walk in on who I technically consider like a baby sister being stark naked in bed with the former KYLO REN!” Poe retorted back. 

Ben knew there was no getting around to Dameron, so he cut to the chase and asked him, “So, what was the purpose of this little visit, that you had to walk in on me and my fiancé in the early light of morning.”

“Fiancé?! Oh, this just keeps getting better and better. Why don’t you tell me you knocked her up as well. Oh, wait I forgot, you already did!”

“Poe, what’s going on the whole base is hearing you yell down the... What they kriff did I just walk into?!” Finn said as he walked into Poe’s quarters wishing he could turn back and unsee what he had just seen.

“That, see, I’m not the only one shocked by the sight.” Poe said pointing toward the holo.

“Dameron, what is the meaning of all this!” Ben seethed through his teeth. He was getting angrier at Poe’s antics by the minute. 

“Guys, what the kriff is going on?! I can hear you down the, GAH!!! What the kriff are you two watching? Wait is that Rey, next to... wait who are you?” Rose said as she walked in.

“This Rose, is Ben Solo, the son of the late General Organa and Han Solo. Oh and he also used to be Kylo Ren.” Poe said in a mocking manner.

“Is this some habit of the Resistance to walk in on people while they’re sleeping. Like do you gather all together and choose who to walk in on. And Dameron, don’t you have a kriffing lock on that door?!” Ben was fed up. As he finished speaking, Rose went to lock the door.

“He’s Kylo Ren?” Rose asked looking him down through the holo. 

“Former, I no longer go by that name anymore.” Ben groaned before Rose continued. 

“I was expecting someone different behind the mask. Rey told me a bit about you. About how she had fallen for you. I can now see why. Can’t say I blame her. Anyway why are you all communicating in this manner. I don’t think Rey would feel so comfortable with you guys watching in on her.” 

Poe and Finn just stared at Rose, shocked that she had basically admitted she found Ben Solo attractive.

Then as if on cue, Rey arose from her sleep. Ben was glad she instinctively used the bedsheets to cover her breasts, otherwise she’d be giving everyone a show as well.

“Ben what is going on, why are you yelling? ... Wait is that..? Poe what the kriff are you doing in comming at this hour and... oh Force!” she clamped her hand over her mouth.

Ben knew what was coming, “BB-8 end the transmission!” He yelled as Rey jumped out of bed naked running for the ‘fresher. 

Morning sickness had hit again and she was spewing the contents into the toilet. He held her hair and rubbed circles on her back as waves of nausea wrecked through her. 

“Ugh, I can’t wait for this to be over.” She said.

Once she was done he helped her up and gave her time to brush her teeth. When she was done she asked, “What was that about? Why was Poe comming this early? And Gods, was that embarrassing. It was like having a sibling walk in on me naked with my significant other.” 

“He was about to say, but then when you woke up and got nauseous I cut the transmission. By the way does BB-8 have the habit of rolling in on people while they’re sleeping? I mean does he not know when is not a good time.”

“Oh, he knows but he did use to belong to Poe. He must have made it seem like it was urgent to speak to you otherwise BB, wouldn’t have come in like that in the morning.”

“Might as well comm Dameron then. Ugh! He is definitely not one of my favorite people, but I also know he’s trying to help us. And for that I will tolerate him. But lets get dressed first please.”

After they got dressed, Ben told BB-8 to comm Poe. When Poe appeared, he did not look happy.

“What the kriff, was that Solo? You cut off mid transmission!”

“Poe, he did it to help me out. Ive been having morning sickness every day for like the last two weeks.”

“I’m sorry Rey, I didn’t expect to walk in on you like that. Anyways, the reason I was trying to reach Ben here was to tell him that he is to report to Alan Kloss within two weeks time. The council wants to speak with him before they move forward with the trial.”

“Ok, I’ll be there, but first I need to make a detour with Rey to Ahch-To and then Naboo.”

“Oh, would you like me to add a shuttle service there too, Solo? First class tickets on a passenger ship? You’re in no position to make any demands!”

“Look Dameron, you can follow me if you want to, but I have my reasons for wanting to be there. You said to inform you when I would be leaving a planet before this. So, I’m telling you now.” He was not angry at Dameron, but did tell him assertively. One way or another he would get his travel plans with Rey taken care of before any trial.

Poe could guess that Ben wasn’t doing this for himself, but for Rey. And so he relented. “Fine, fine. Do what you must, but remember you’re expected here in two weeks. Miss that deadline and you may risk forfeiting any type of immunity the council may have granted.”

“I’ll be there.” 

“You better be here within that time frame, Ben. General Organa’s son or not, there will be consequences if you do not comply with the council’s request. And I don’t think I’ll be able to interfere this time.”

“He’ll be there Poe, I’ll make sure of it.” Rey told him. She had to admit though she was nervous either way of how things would play out once they arrived.

“See you in two weeks.” Poe said before the transmission ended.

“Ben, are you sure about this? About turning yourself in? I have hope Poe and the others will be able to speak up for you. But, some of these leaders, even though I met them briefly, they were relentless and could care less about what happened as long as they took the First Order down with them.” 

“I’m sure, Rey. This is the only way I can show them I have no intention to run, rather that I accept the consequences of my actions. That I understand the damage I made to my mother’s cause, but that I am also willing to work with them to repair that damage and keep my mother’s hope for a better galaxy.”

“Ben, you never fail to amaze me. It’s like ever since you reverted back to being yourself, it’s like you do some growing up every day.”

“Well I did spend over seven years, being manipulated by a megalomaniac asshole. You could say, I have some catching up to do.”

Rey laughed at his comment, but then asked, “Why Ahch-To and Naboo before we head out to Ajan Kloss?”

He held her close to him and looked down on her face, “Rey, I want us to be married before any of this takes place. I want to make sure you and our child are well cared for, but beyond that. I want to be tied to you in every way possible, before my future is decided. And well Naboo, I just want for us- well you in case things go bad, to get settled down in Varykino. So that you have a place to live with our child.”

“Ben, I wouldn’t feel comfortable anywhere without you. You don’t have to..”

“I know but I want to. And also, and believe me this is hard for me to say..” he ran his hands through his hair. It was a habit he had of doing when he found it difficult to express what he wanted to say. “... if things do not go the way we would like, I would like you to move on and live your life, Rey. I couldn’t live with myself knowing, you’d waste your life away because of me.”

“Ben, don’t say that. I can’t imagine my life with anyone else. If they’d try anything I would do everything to break you out. If we can’t be on Naboo then we will find some other planet on the outer rim, get far away where they can’t find us. But, I am not moving on with anyone else. Even if I couldn’t free you...” her voice was breaking as she continued, “our child would be my reason for living. I wouldn’t waste it because I would spend the rest of my life raising him and telling him how amazing and selfless his father is.” 

Rey continued, “But please, I’d rather have hope that they will show mercy. So, lets have faith it will turn out favorable. What I do want to ask is, why Ahch-To? What does that have to do with our marriage? I would think we’d get married on Naboo.”

“My grandparents got married on Naboo, Rey. And even though they loved each other, we know how that turned out. Besides, I thought Ahch-To would be perfect because it’s where we basically solidified our bond. It’s where we told each other we were not alone in this. I feel that in a way, it was our first declaration of our love.”

She looked up at him and smiled, “Wow, aren’t you the romantic. But, yes I agree. I think Ahch-To would be perfect for us to join ourselves together.”

“Well, we have a week to get this done, so I say we start this moving.”

“Are we really, going to do this? Are going to go get married?” She asked him, still in disbelief of how quickly things were moving.

“Yes, my love we are.” He told her as he leaned down to place a kiss on her lips. 

She leaned in, making it more intense, before breaking to breathe and say, “I love you, Ben Solo.”

He smiled at her and said, “I know.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Woke up this morning to find I had reached 75 kudos. Thank you you all for your support. Anyways, I decided to post at this time of the day bc I have been having trouble sleeping and I have been working on a paper on Borderline Personality Disorder. Thank you Anakin and Kylo/Ben for the inspiration. Anyways, I realized I have reached about 70 pages so far, that’s not including the chapters I have yet to edit. I honestly can’t say when I will finish, but hopefully some time before the new school year. I hope to upload the next chapter in two weeks or sooner depending on how caught up I am with schoolwork.


	19. Chapter 19

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Ben takes a courageous move to talk to someone he has not spoken to in a long time.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So this chapter is a bit shorter, than the last but hope you enjoy it all the same. Anyway, same as always, not beta’d so sorry for the grammar mistakes. Thank You for reading. 😊

Making the move out of Tatooine was simple, they both didn’t have much to begin with so they only took with them the essentials.

The ship Rey had taken with her, was small, but enough to fit her, Ben, and BB-8. It had a small sleeping quarter, but she still wished she would have decided to keep the Falcon. She had come to Tatooine on it, but felt Chewie and Lando could make better use of it as they were helping former storm troopers track down their families. And so within a week of being on Tatooine, she asked Finn and Poe if they could come and drop off a smaller ship and take the Falcon back to Ajan Kloss. Besides the Falcon needed many repairs, many which she could not find herself making on Tatooine.

The trip was long enough for Ben and her to spend quality time wrapped around each other and keep exploring one another. But, they still had not taken that last step yet. They had come to the agreement of taking that leap once they were bonded in marriage. It had nothing to do with virtue or morals. It’s just what felt right for one another.

One thing Rey started noticing during the trip were more pregnancy changes. She could tell she had to go to the restroom more often. Her bladder and the baby were definitely on their own schedule. Another, thing she noticed too was that even though subtle, her abdomen had started to swell a little bit more.

And so, she found herself in the sleeping quarter wrapped in Ben’s arms as he made writing like motions on her skin with his hand. She noticed he had the habit of doing that often and she asked him once, not long ago, what he was doing. He confessed he used to enjoy calligraphy, that he had found it soothing. And so, when he would trace around her body, it was like he was writing the story of their love on to her skin. But, his favorite spot to trace was her abdomen, because there was the proof of their love. The love they had for each other had led the Force to create life within her.

When she fell asleep, he stayed wrapped around her a while longer, but then she felt him get up. She wanted to ask what was wrong, but she was so tired that she couldn’t even speak to ask him. She would ask him later. 

_____________________________________________________________________________________

“Here goes nothing” he said, and then asked BB-8, “BB-8, I need you to communicate with someone.”

The little droid beeped and asked him if he wanted to contact Poe.

“No, not Poe, BB-8. I need you to reach out to Chewbacca.”

He knew what was probably going to come. Chewbacca was going to roar and howl at him. Most likely he would re-open some old wounds. But he needed to do this, he needed to this for himself and for Rey. 

He hoped, however, that Chewie would still have at least some bit of hope reserved fo him. When Chewie had ended up on the Finalizer, he had infiltrated his mind. He saw that the wookie, the being he used to call Uncle Chewie, had still held on to the remnants that were Ben Solo, before becoming Kylo Ren. Remembering that gave him hope that even though he had seen him at his worst, Chewie still cared about the man, well a boy back then, he used to be.

So when the transmission went through, even though he had hoped for different, he was not surprised by the wookie’s response. Chewie hurled almost every insult known in Shyriiwook at him and possibly some more. Ben, just stood there taking it in. He could give the wookie that much after having taken his best friend from him. No matter how much, he worked on himself, it would forever be one of his greatest regrets even if it was not really of his self-doing. 

He was thankful however, for Rey becoming a deep sleeper lately. He knew that had she been awake she would intervene on his behalf. But this is something he needed to do on his own.

After Chewie ended the tirade aimed at him, Ben had tears in his eyes, but spoke to him, “Chewie, I am so sorry. I don’t think you’ll ever know how much I regret my actions that day. I deserved you shooting me that day. I deserved the pain. I know dad was your best friend and I took that from you. But please know that I never wanted to do it. I was so lost and manipulated by the Emperor, that I couldn’t control myself. He made me believe that being rid of dad was the only way to be rid of the pain that was tearing me inside. He made me believe none of you had wanted me. That you all feared me. That you had all abandoned me. But you were really the only one, who never feared me at all. I remember you were the one I could go to when mom and dad would argue about my powers and my uncontrollable anger. You were my comfort Chewie in those times. I will be forever sorry for having hurt you through my actions. If you have given up hope on me, I can understand. But I have one question, “You could have killed me on Starkiller that night. You had a clear shot, but missed your mark. Why’d you let me live?” He thought he knew the answer, but he wanted to hear it from the wookie’s mouth.

Ben was fluent in Shyriiwook, so he knew what Chewie was saying, “Because my friend would have been angry with me. He loved you, he had hope. Your mom had hope too. So, I had little hope too, even if I was more angry at you. But then I was angry your mom died. And then the girl, said you died. I cried so much, Chewbacca had lost his family. But now you are here. How?”

He was still crying but answered Chewie’s question, that is if you could call it an answer, “I don’t know, Chewie. I wish I could, but I don’t. All I know is the Force gave me a second chance. And I will not take it for granted. It has given me love with Rey and even the gift of life. She’s expecting Chewie.”

“The girl is having your cub?” 

“Yes, Chewie she is.” He told the Wookie with a smile and tears running down his face.

“Friend would have been happy about your cub.”

“He would have been. Well he is.”

Chewie cocked his head to the side in confusion, “What do you mean friend is happy, about your cub? My friend is gone.” 

Ben noticed there was sadness in Chewie’s voice when he mentioned his father no longer being alive, but Ben wanted to let him know he had spoken to his father and gained his forgiveness.

“Yes, I know Chewie, but somehow the Force allowed me to speak to my father. We talked and he told me he forgives me Chewie. Even though I did not deserve it, he has forgiven me. Then before he left he told me to take care of my girls.”

“Cub is a girl?”

“I don’t know yet. My dad, mom, and I have a hunch it’s a girl. Rey, thinks its a boy.”

“Is the girl now your mate?”

“She is, she will be when we marry. But Chewie, I would love it if you could be there. Rey loves you and I would love to see you again in person Chewie.”

“Where will you marry?” Chewie’s question gave him hope the Wookiee would accept his invitation.

“On Ahch-To. I trust you know how to get there?”

“Yes, but Chewie does not the like the porg creatures. Get everywhere on the Falcon.”

Ben laughed through tears, “Yes, Rey told me about that.” 

But then Ben’s face dropped as he prepared to ask the Wookie a favor for which he would be eternally grateful. “Chewie before I let you go, I need to ask something of you.”

Once again, Chewie cocked his head and stared at Ben, “What do you need?”

“It’s about Rey and my child.” He said with sadness in his voice hoping the Wookie would grant him this favor.   
***  
Shorty after having told Chewie what he hoped he would help him with. Lando appeared. Ben was expecting to get the same of kind of anger, Chewie had welcomed him with. But what he got was the complete opposite.

“Ben Solo! It’s been a long time.” Lando said with a smile.

Ben ran his hand through his hair, his signature move when he was either frustrated or nervous. “Hey, Lando. How are you doing?” He said, but you could hear the anxiety in his voice.

“You know, there was a time when you used to call me, ‘Uncle Wanwo’” Lando told him chuckling.

“I think, I’m a bit old for that. Don’t you think?” He didn’t mean it in a disrespectful manner, but more of an actual fact.

“Yes, I guess you’re right. Last time I saw you, you were what? Twenty-three? That was before you were also taken by the First Order.”

“Lando, about that, look Rey told me, and I am so sorry about your daughter. I am glad you were able to reunite with her, but please know I had no involvement in the Storm Trooper program. Regardless, being part of the First Order will forever remain one of my biggest regrets.”

“Don’t beat yourself up so much Ben. You, like Jannah, were victims of those bastards. But it was also a mistake on our behalves to not see what was happening right under our noses.”

Ben appreciated Lando not placing the blame on him, but it was not their fault either. Palpatine had just been pulling the strings for such a long time that nobody could see it. “Lando, this was not anyone else’s fault except Palpatine’s. He’s the one who pulled the strings this whole time. He’s the one who caused so many children to be separated from their homes and he’s the one who made me believe you had all given up on me and hated me. I’m just guilty of believing it.”

“Your parents would be proud of Ben.”

Once again he was tearing up. What was wrong with him? “Thank you, Lando. That means a lot coming from you.”

“So, question for you, Ben. How is it that you’re alive? Last I had spoken to Rey, she told me you had died saving her. But not long ago, Poe and Maz told me you were alive. And to top it off, they told me Rey, that wonderful girl, is expecting your child. How did that happen?” 

Chewie cut in, “You knew girl was having his cub? Why did you not tell Chewbacca?”

Ben chuckled at Chewie’s interruption but then directed himself at Lando, “I have no idea Lando, other than the Force gave me another chance. Why? I cannot fathom it. But, I’m so glad I have the opportunity to be here for Rey and my child.”

“I know Poe told you, you’re expected on Ajan-Kloss in two weeks. So, what’s with this you going to Ahch-To?”

“Ahch-To has a special meaning for me and Rey. We’re going up there to get married. I asked Chewie to be there for us. But I would love it, if you could be there too. Maybe, since you were once and by the looks of it, you’re once again Captain of the Falcon, well, maybe you could marry us. I was planning on this being just me and Rey, but if we can make this as official as possible, then I want to. That’s if you agree to it of course.”

“Ben, it would be my honor.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I will try and upload in another two weeks if possible. At this point I do not believe I will finish this before this semester ends and the new one begins, but it is my goal to finish before the year of when I started this story comes around. Anyways, thank you for reading and the kudos. I may not know you, but I do appreciate you. Hope you’re all staying safe amid everything going on.


	20. Chapter 20

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Ben and Rey arrive at Ahch-To.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The usual disclaimers. It’s not beta’d so I apologize for any errors. It’s another short chapter, but I believe the next one is longer. I haven’t got to editing yet. Anyways, enjoy and once again Thank You for the kudos.

Rey could have sworn she had heard Chewie and Lando in her sleep. But she thought that perhaps she was dreaming. However, when she woke she asked Ben if she had heard correctly. He confirmed her suspicions, by letting her know he had a long conversation with both Chewie and Lando, but wouldn’t tell her what it was about. Every time she asked, he would brush it off as it not being important or he would change the subject. 

She knew he was hiding something and she told herself she would find out soon. But now was not the time. They would be approaching Ahch-To soon and that only meant one thing. She could finally tie herself to Ben in every way possible. 

Ben had asked her if she wanted any of her friends there. At first she though of calling Poe, Finn, and Rose. But the truth was that they had not warmed themselves to the idea of Ben, being well, himself once again. She knew that somehow they still saw him as Kylo Ren, even if they pretended to otherwise. Therefore, she declined his offer.

When he told her that Chewie and Lando would be there she was not bothered by it. She had definitely grown attached to the Wookie. And she hoped their child could grow attached to him as well. As for Lando, even though she barely knew him, she knew he had been around Ben long enough to know he had been an important figure in his life.

When they arrived they landed near the other side of the island. They chose to leave the larger clearing free for the Falcon. As they got off the ship, BB-8 started to roll out, but Rey knew he wouldn’t make it up the steps. 

“Stay with the ship BB-8.” The droid whined at her command.

“I’m sorry BB. But you wont make it up the steps. We won’t be here too long, just maybe two days. I’m sorry buddy.” She told him even though she wished she could take him, but she didn’t want to ask Ben to carry him all the way up the steps either.

The droid whined once again, but he did as she instructed.

Ben shook his head then said, “I swear, sometimes I think that droid is more of pet. Than an actual droid.”

“Well then he’s an amazing pet.” Rey replied, smiling.

****

They continued talking as they made their way up the steps to the huts. Rey had to admit that even though she was just four months along, the pregnancy was gradually starting to slow her down. Ben offered various times to carry her up the steps to which she responded, “Ben I’m pregnant, not an invalid. I can do this,___ it’s just going to take me more time than I expected.”

When they finally reached the top, Rey found a rock and sat herself down. 

“I never thought _pregnancy ____ would tire __me ___out____ so quickly.” She said in between breaths.

“You know we could have avoided all of this if you just let me carry you.”

“Shut it, your highness,___ I may be tired ___but it does not mean I can’t still carry myself around.” She told him as she was getting better control of her breath.

Ben chuckled and said, “Did you just call me your highness, Empress?”

“I did, and I’m no Empress. I refuse to be affiliated with anything to do with the empire or Palpatine.”

“Well then how about Princess?”

“Ben, you’re the Prince. Me? Well I chose to come from nothing.”

“Rey, even though Alderaan no longer exists, I am still it’s Prince and via our marriage, well that will make you a Princess consort.”

“Ben, I really don’t care much for titles, but being your Princess, well lets just say I like the sound of that. Speaking of, if marrying you makes me a Princess, was Han made a Prince when he married your mother.”

“Yes, and he absolutely hated it. Specially when Chewie or Lando would answer, ‘Yes, your worshipfulness.’ Mom would get a kick out of it because she said he would call her that and every name in the book he could think of when it came to her title. She said he was ‘finally getting a taste of her own medicine.”

“Oh, that must have been hilarious.”

“It was. I just wish I could have focused on the good times we had and not the bantha shit Palpatine was feeding me. Maybe they’d still be here, celebrating this moment we’re about to have.”

“Hey, don’t do that. Not again. We talked about this, it’s not something you could have helped. Your mother knew it, your father knew it, hell even in the end Luke knew it. And I know it. So, lets not focus on the negative, ok. This is going to be a happy moment. One of the happiest of our lives.”

“How do you that?” He asked looking down into her eyes.

“Do what?”

“Make me feel loved and make me believe I can actually be loved. I always thought I was hard to love. And yet you make it seem so easy.”

“That’s because I love you and you deserve to be loved.” She told him before standing up, walking up to him and kissing him lightly on the lips. “Now lets go and see if the hut has been repaired. Otherwise, we’ll need to figure something out.”

“I’m sure it will be fine.” He told her before returning her kiss.

When they arrived, Rey was surprised to learn the island caretakers had reconstructed the hut. She had expected it to be in ruins.

They knocked before entering and when they got no response they felt it was safe to go inside.

It looked just like it had right before Luke had destroyed the hut after he had discovered them together. The night they decided that neither one was alone as long as they were together. Even if things fell through for a while, the Force knew they belonged together.

Ben looked to the side and saw that there was a bed there already. It was small, but it would have to do. He had thought about flying out to Naboo right after the wedding. But as soon as they entered the hut, he felt the need to stay here the night. To consummate their marriage in this place, where in a way, they were intimate with each other for the very first time. Where they each shared a vision of being each other’s arms and loving each other. Of being one.

Rey immediately went to sit on the bed. She was tired and wanted to rest before the ceremony. “Do you know when Chewie and Lando are arriving?” She asked him.

“They should be here soon, they were preparing to take off right before you woke this morning. Ajan-Kloss is closer than Tatooine. But why don’t you rest in the meantime until they arrive.”

“Ok, I’m just hoping the caretakers don’t mind us having our wedding here.” She said through a yawn.

“Why, would they mind?” He was now curious as to how the caretakers would take to strangers.

“Let’s just say I may have destroyed a few things while I was here.” She said sleepily as her eyes fluttered and closed as she fell asleep.

Ben just chuckled trying to imagine the caretakers being upset at his future wife for destroying their island.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So, I noticed I’ve been updating about every 15 days. Hopefully I can keep it that way, but I can’t make any promises because school and work are keeping me busy😫. So, I decided to stop using the italics to define who is speaking. I guess it is confusing in the long run. I’ll be fixing it in former chapters soon. Also, I’m not sure if Han was Leia’s Prince Consort, but I decided to asume he was. I couldn’t help imagine Han getting a taste of his own medicine on the names. On the choice to have the wedding on Ahch-To, yes I know it’s odd and perhaps would have made more sense to do it on Naboo (we will be there soon), but I felt it would be better if they married where they basically declared their love for one another the very first time, even if it ended in a quick breakup in Snoke’s throne room. Anyways, wedding is coming up next 😆. Hope you’re all staying safe out there among the madness of this pandemic.


	21. Chapter 21

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> They’re tying the knot!!! 😁

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So, I had a bit of a mental breakdown with everything that was coming at me once that I couldn’t get myself to continue the story. I was in such a state of depression and anxiety that I just couldn’t get myself to do much. Luckily I was able to get away for a few days To relax and got to edit this chapter and write some more of the others. Not as much as I would have wanted to, but hey progress is progress. I’ll keep working on this till it’s finished, slowly but surely I’ll get to the end. I’ll update when I can.   
> Also, thank you for not giving up on this story and for all the kudos. Truly appreciate all of you.
> 
> -On another note the usual warnings, not beta’d so forgive me for any grammar mistakes or anything that does not make sense

Lando and Chewie arrived about two hours after Rey had fallen asleep. Ben went outside to greet them. When he went up to Lando, he extended a hand but Lando yanked him to give him a hug. “It’s been too long, Ben. I’m glad you finally made your way home.”

“Lando, look I’m...”

“Ben, don’t even think about it. This is your wedding day and we talked about this. You’re not to blame.”

“But, ...”

“No buts...”

“Ok, fine. Have you been talking with Rey because I feel we just had this conversation?” He said chuckling.

“Not recently, but what you just told me proves that you found the right girl. How you Solo men find the perfect woman, still baffles me.”

“Trust me it baffles me just as much.” He said smiling.

Just then Chewie made his presence known. Ben was both anxious and excited. He was nervous the Wookiee would have second thoughts and want to rip his arms out of his sockets. But then he was exited to see Chewie and express his gratitude for giving him a second chance. If that was still a possibility. 

He walked up to Chewie and had begun to apologize when he the Wookiee spoke in Shyriiwook, “What Lando said. Your and the girl’s wedding. It’s a happy moment.”

“Thank you Chewie.” Ben said right before Chewie grabbed him in a bone crushing hug that he was finding it hard to breathe. “Chewie, can’t breathe.” He gasped.

Chewie let his go then said, “Sorry, I had not hugged friend in a long time.”

“It’s ok Chewie, no need to apologize.” Ben said with a smile.

“So, where’s that beautiful girl of yours Ben?” Lando asked him.

“Yeah, where is she Solo?” He heard a voice coming up the steps.

“I see you were able to make it.” Ben told Poe, who was followed by Finn and Rose.

After Ben had talked to Rey he could tell that she would have wanted to have her friends with her on this special moment. And even though he knew that her friends were not fond of him, he was not about to let her marry him without the people that were important to her. So when Rey was asleep he reached out to Poe and offered him, Finn, and Rose an invitation. He had offered one to Maz as well but apparently she was stuck in another union dispute at her castle. 

“Yeah, well we were not about to let Rey down, even if we do not agree with her choice of groom.” Finn told him. “However, I still appreciate you having extended the invitation”

“So, where is Rey?” Rose asked timidly. Even though she trusted Rey’s choice of man, she still found him intimidating. 

“Oh, she’s asleep in the hut. Going up the steps tired her out.”

“Let me guess, you offered to help and she said she was not an invalid?” Lando asked. 

“How’d you...?” Ben was baffled at how Lando could have known this.

“Your father did the same thing with your mom and that was the answer she gave him.”

Chewie was chuckling then said, “I remember, your mom was angry with him.”

Ben smiled trying to picture the scenario. His train of thought was interrupted though by Lando saying, “So, how about we get this rolling and get you married Ben.”

“Ok, let me go wake Rey up and give her time to get ready.” He said but the excitement was noticeable in his voice. He was glad this moment was finally happening. Even though there was an impending trial on the horizon, he was happy just for this moment.

“Speaking of her getting ready I almost forgot. I brought these for both of you.”

Lando handed him two boxes, the top one is yours and the bottom one is hers. “Now go.”

“Thank you Lando, I don’t know how to repay you.”

“Make that girl and yourself happy that’s how.”

“Yeah, you better make her happy, Solo. Or you’ll have me to answer to.” Finn told him looking at him seriously.

“I wouldn’t expect anything else from you, Finn.” Ben told him and then turned towards the hut he and Rey were staying in. 

He didn’t want to wake her, but he knew they did not have much time. “Rey, sweetheart. Lando and Chewie are here. We have to get ready.” Ben wanted to keep Poe,Finn, and Rose a surprise. 

“Hmmm.” She mewled as she stretched. “Huh, what?”

“Lando and Chewie are here. We need to get ready for the ceremony.”

“Oh my. How long have they been here? Have they waited for long? Why didn’t you wake me earlier?”

“Love, they just got here.” He reassured her. 

“Oh and Lando got this for you.” He told her holding the box out to her.”

“What is it?”

“I don’t know. He gave me one too.”

“Well lets find out” she’s said opening the box. Inside was a beautiful white dress made of a light sheer fabric and silk. As she pulled it out she saw that the front was high up and would cover her growing cleavage well. But the back was open plunging down in a V shape. 

“It’s beautiful.” She said as Ben was opening his box. 

Within it was a suit similar to the one he wore as Kylo. This one however was a dark, almost night sky blue accompanied by a cape. “Wow, you’ll truly play the prince in that.”

“No kidding.” Ben told her, still looking at the outfit.

“Why do you say that?” She asked him, curiosity in her voice. 

“Because this outfit Lando, gave me is almost the same as the attire of the Alderaanian Prince.”

“Well then it’s perfect.” She told him.

They got dressed in silence turned away from each other. Even though it was a small hut. When they were finished, they turned and looked at each other. 

To Ben, Rey looked breath taking. To Rey, Ben looked every bit the Prince he was meant to be and more.

Ben continued to look at Rey and felt like something was missing. He saw Rey run her hands though her hair and it hit him. “Rey, will you let me braid your hair?”

“Huh? You want to braid my hair?”

“Yes, if you let me. See there’s specific braids that brides wear in Alderaan and I want to do that with your hair.” 

Rey could see that even though he was not begging, there was a pleading look in his eyes. She could tell this was important to him so chose to accept his request. 

“Ok, yeah sure.” She was curious to see what he would do, but she was also surprised he knew how to do this. Where had he learned to braid hair?

As if he heard her thoughts he responded, “My mother taught me. I used to help sometimes with hers. Apparently braids would say a lot in Alderaan.”

He made quick work of her hair then weaved a few flowers into her hair. She looked unbelievably beautiful.

He then handed her a bouquet of flowers he had picked from the island.

“Are you ready to do this?” He told her looking at her intensely.

“Never been more ready in my life” she said and then they walked out they door and walking to the place where they would be joined as husband and wife. 

***

Before they walked out, Ben told Rey. “By the way there is a surprise waiting for you out there.”

“A surprise? What else other than our wedding be waiting for me out there?” She looked at him with curiosity in her face. 

When they reached they spot where the ceremony would be held her eyes landed on her friends and she immediately looked at him and said through the bond. “When did you do this? I thought we had agreed not to invite them because they’re not fond of you.” 

She was not upset she was just shocked that he had invited them regardless of how they felt about him.

“Yes, but I know what they mean to you and what it would mean to have them at our wedding.”

“You’re amazing. Do you know that?” she said through the bond and then she stood on her toes to give him a quick kiss.

“Aren’t you supposed to wait for ‘Now you may kiss the bride?’ Poe said teasingly.

“I’m so glad you are here. Thank you for coming.” Rey said to Finn Poe, and Rose grabbing them all in one big hug.

“Hey we may not like your fiancé but we were not about to miss your special moment for the world.” Finn told her.

“Yeah, we couldn’t miss it.” Said Rose. “You look so beautiful, Rey. And your absolutely glowing.” She added as she reached out to touch they barely noticeable bump.

“How’d you know?” Rey asked her.

“Finn and Poe filled me in.” She said with a smile.

Rey laughed, “Of course they did.”

“You ready to get married, peanut?” Finn asked her.

“Wait are you offering to walk me down the aisle?” Rey asked in shock.

Finn, laughed and told her. “I’ve never seen you as the type to be handed of Rey. It’s not you. Unless you want me to then I’m there for you.”

“No you’re right, that’s not me.”

“Alright, let’s get you married off to the Supreme Leader, woohoo.” Poe said.

Rey shot him a look.

“I’m kidding, just still baffles me, that you’re marrying Kylo...”

Both Rey and Ben shot a look at Poe, Finn just shook his head at his boyfriend’s wedding jokes.

“Ok, ok. Yeesh, you’d think you two could take a joke. Alright off to get you married.” Poe said. 

The ceremony did not take long. She walked her self down what seemed like an aisle of stones, while he waited for her at the end with Lando and Chewie. It looked like Chewie was taking the place of his Best Man. Rey could only imagine he had done the same at Han and Leia’s wedding.

When she reached him, he took her hand in his and placed a gentle kiss on it. 

Before starting Lando told Rey, “You look beautiful Rey, this look absolutely suits you.”

Rey felt the blush creeping up on her.

They both turned to Lando and Ben just stared at him until Lando said, “Oh, right.” He cleared his throat and started off with, “So we are gathered here today...” But then stopped and directed himself toward Rey. “Rey, wait before I start off, Rey will you be using a particular surname.” 

“Oh yeah. Well while arriving on Tatooine, I adopted the name Skywalker, so I guess that’s the one I will use.”

Ben took a quick glance at her and smiled. He was glad that she had taken his family name, although some part of him wished she had taken his name back then. It did not matter though because in a few minutes she would be taking his surname as well. 

“Okay, I apologize for the interruption lets go ahead and move this thing forward. We are gathered here to day to celebrate the union of Ben Organa Solo and Rey Skywalker. Today the two of you choose to join each other and become one. Now I don’t understand much of the Force but I can see it clearly made each one of you for the other. Now Ben told me you each prepared your own vows. Ben you may proceed...”

Ben turned towards Rey. He had been thinking of the vows during their trip to the planet. He was filled with so much emotion. How could it be, that after what he had done, the force was giving him a second chance at life. It was giving him a chance to be tied to this amazing woman. A woman he loved and who was carrying his child nonetheless. So, when he started speaking, Rey could tell his voice was breaking.

“Rey, before I met you, I had spent so many years in the dark. I was filled with so much anger and so much hate. I had done so many atrocities that it felt as if I didn’t have a heart...”

Rey could hear Poe mumble, “He’s got that right.” She threw him a death glare that shut him up before he could say anything else. She couldn’t tell whether Ben heard him as well. Or perhaps he could care less. 

“...but you came into my life just when I had accepted that to be my fate. That fateful day the force connected us here when we touched hands, for the first time in what seemed an eternity, I felt hope. I suddenly realized that what I was missing in my life was you. You who even though had darkness, had so much light. But then when you refused my offer on the Supremacy, I felt like there was no other opportunity for me, that I was irredeemable.”

Sometimes Rey wished she had not caused him so much pain that day on the ship, but she knew the steps they had taken had led them to this moment.

“..that Snoke had been right all along. And just thinking about that brought on this pain that sometimes was more than I could take. But then you healed me on Kef Bir and Rey you brought me back to life. Somehow every scar, every lie, every doubt Palpatine had wove into my mind had been erased. I had lost my way and you brought me home. You helped destroy the man I had become and had brought forth the man I always was meant to be. So, when I gave you the last remaining bit of my Force, I did it with no regrets. You were what the galaxy needed. If you could turn someone like me from the darkness, it would be you who would bring back it’s light...”

Rey was smiling as tears were running down on her face. She noticed that tears were running down his too.

“And then the Force gave me this second chance and with it, I got a second chance at life, a second chance with you. See Rey, since I came back I realized that you are the only one who truly knows me. You know then man I used to be and the man I want to be. You know all my insecurities and the madness in my mind. You love me regardless of who I was, because you love me for who I am. I always thought that I was undeserving of love and you changed that. Rey, I promise to do my best everyday to be that man you brought back to life. I promise to take care of and protect you and our child with all that I am. I love you Rey, and I will continue to do so for all of time.”

When he finished he noticed that Rey was still crying and that it seemed like Chewie was turning into a blubbery mess. Lando’s eyes were watery as well. Rose was crying as well. Finn was just serious, but it looked like Poe was still making his jokes quietly.

It was now Rey’s turn to say her vows and she was so nervous because she felt she could barely speak. Ben’s vows had left her feeling this immense emotion. She was in awe of how much he loved her and of how much she loved him.

“Ben, when I laid eyes on you for the very first time. I was shocked. How could someone like you feel the need to hide behind a mask? But then when we touched hands I saw all the conflict within you. You were so lost and riddled with guilt. I promised myself that day that I would do everything I could to guide you to the light. When I refused to take your hand on the Supremacy, it was the hardest thing I had to do. And again when you offered it on the Finalizer. But something inside me told me the man who had told me I was not alone and had saved me from Snoke was not the same man who was offering his hand. I know it sounds crazy, but deep within I knew the real you was in there. When you gave up your life force for mine. I was distraught. How could it be that when you finally showed up, all the force gave me was a kiss and a smile and it was done.”

Ben looked at her intensely with watery eyes as she professed her love for him.

“… I felt lost, but then I felt our child growing within me and I felt a ray of hope that somehow I would get to have some part of that man who loved me so much he sacrificed his life force for mine.” She could see the tears rolling down his face as she talked about the hope their child gave her.

“… But then you showed up again and I thought here’s my second chance to show this man that I care and love him and that he’s worth loving. When I was a small girl on Jakku I would dream of this island and I never knew why. I just hoped and prayed I could find my place in all of this. But see, I realize now that what I was really seeing in the island was you. The place I was missing, where I was meant to be is you. You’re my home. So trust me when I say Ben Solo, that I have always loved you and I always will. When I tie myself to you today, know that I bind myself to you for all eternity.”

“Well that was something, you two. I have never felt this emotional since I was reunited with Jannah.” Lando said as they concluded their vows.

Ben and Rey both gave a small tearful laugh as they were both in tears from their vows to each other.

“Okay well let wrap this up. Chewie, do you have the rings?”

Chewie handed two white metal rings to Lando before he continued with the ceremony. He handed the ring to Ben for him to place on Rey.

Ben took the ring looked at Rey and said, “Rey, let this ring be a symbol of my eternal love for you and that I bind myself to you for all of time.” He then slipped the ring onto her finger next to the engagement ring he had given her.

Lando then handed the last ring to Rey and she proceded with the same words Ben had just told her.

“Ben, let this ring be a symbol of my eternal love for you and that I bind myself to you for all time.” Rey then slipped the ring onto Ben’s finger with smile on her face. 

“Well then, now all that’s left to say is, with the power invested in me by whatever entity out there, I now declare you two to be bonded for life. Ben, you may kiss your beautiful bride.”

Ben smiled at Lando, then he wrapped his arm behind Rey’s back and pulled her towards him and kissed her deeply. Rey wrapped her arms around the back of his neck and could feel Ben slightly dipping her and then pulling her back up.

Their small crowed clapped and cheered, perhaps reluctantly, but Ben was glad that it would make Rey happy. 

When they broke apart they still held each other smiling at one another. They were officially two that were one in every form. It was no longer Ben Organa Solo and Rey from Jakku or Rey Skywalker. No they were now Ben and Rey Solo.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So, I had fun writing this chapter back when I wrote it. So, on Poe, Finn, and Rose being there, I could just see Ben sucking it up and enduring their company even if Poe and Finn basically hate his guts.And of course Poe will be Poe making his jokes. As for Rey walking herself down the aisle. I see her as too independent to be handed off to Ben. I saw her as doing that herself.  
> As for their outfits, for Rey think the backless dress from the Hollywood Reporter photo shoot, but in white https://www.hollywoodreporter.com/news/next-gen-2015-how-unknown-836637#.  
> And for Ben, imagine something similar to his Kylo Ren outfit in TLJ, but in a dark Navy blue and side cape, similar to Bail Organa in ROTS.   
> Playlist for this chapter: Finally by Reik   
> Easy by Camila Cabello   
> Once again thank you for everything.


	22. Chapter 22

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Ben and Rey have their wedding night

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> OMG, I have been away for so long. I seriously did not expect that, but this semester was utterly draining and exhausting. That and 2020 dumped a few unpleasant surprises that made me almost give up on this altogether. I apologize for it taking me so long to post this. I’ll keep posting as I can. I have a few days before I have to return to my studies and hope I can use that time in between. Anyways, hope you enjoy it.
> 
> ____________________________________________________________________________

Right after the ceremony ended, everyone there congratulated them. Well Lando and Chewie congratulated both of them. Rey’s friends only congratulated her. It bothered Rey that her friends were not accepting of her husband, but she understood there was too much unpleasant history between them.

However, both Finn and Poe did pull him aside and pretty much threatened him. If he ever hurt Rey in one way or another they would hunt him down and kill him. He surprised them by telling them that the day that happened he would willingly hand himself over to them for execution. She did notice that afterwards, he pulled Finn off to the side while they discussed something she could not hear.

After, they all gathered around drinking some Corelian whiskey Lando had brought. Except for Rey of course because of her condition. She was drinking some jogan juice Chewie had brought her.

Shortly after, those who were in attendance started to prepare to leave. Ben and Rey had offered them to stay the night in the other huts, but they all refused. Chewie and Lando stated they had business to get to. Finn and Poe declined by saying they did not want to rip their ears out by hearing them “get it on” on their wedding night. Rose just shook her head at what Finn and Poe had said.

Lando and Chewie stayed behind for a few minutes after Finn, Poe, and Rose left. For a minute Ben and Rey believed they had changed their mind about staying but were surprised instead when Lando said, “So, I think it’s time the Falcon is returned to its rightful owners.”

“But the Falcon is yours Lando. Yes, I know my father said he won it from you, but you always said he cheated. Knowing my dad...” Ben smiled at the thought. “He probably did.”

“Nah, kid he won it from me fair and square. And if you won’t take it as it being yours. Then I’m gifting it to you as a wedding gift. Either way, if what Chewie told me is true, Han basically entrusted the Falcon to Rey. So, either way it’s yours.” 

“But Lando, how will you and Chewie take off?” Rey asked.

“We’re taking the ship you brought from Tatooine.” Lando said nonchalantly.

“That is one small ship, Rey and I could barely fit in there. I don’t know about you and Chewie.” Ben told them.

“Don’t worry kid. We’ll manage. Anyway we better be out of your way, you still have your wedding night.” Lando said with a chuckle.

All Ben and Rey could do was blush scarlet again. It was awkward to them for others to know what they would be up to.

As they were leaving, Rey and Ben thanked them for everything. Rey asked Chewie if he could take BB-8 onto the Falcon, but Chewie assured her he had done so already before the ceremony. As they watched Lando and Chewie depart, they realized they were finally alone. 

She did ask him what it was he and Finn talked about, but he brushed it off by saying. “Nothing to worry about, my love. Just a minor conversation.”

She knew he was keeping something from her, but she didn’t get the chance to ask because he surprised her when he suddenly placed his arm behind her knees and lifted her onto his arms. 

“Ben what are you doing?” She asked him giggling. She had no time to be upset with him right now. This was a happy moment. 

“I’m carrying my bride through the threshold.” He said as he carried her to their hut and opened the door. Rey was surprised he was able to carry her and open the door, but then again he was massive. Once they were inside, Ben set her down and just looked at her. 

“You’re so beautiful.” He told her before leaning down to kiss her. 

The kiss started slow, but then grew in intensity. They were both nervous, but ironically even though it was her who had wanted to be more intimate in the first place, she felt extremely nervous. Yes, they had spent plenty of time exploring each other, but this was something on another level. And by that she meant the size of him.

The few times she had seen him completely nude she realized he was very well endowed and could only wonder how he was going to fit inside of her. Right after the ceremony she had a talk with Rose. Rose had been under the impression that they had been intimate in that manner already, but when Rey confirmed they had not. Rose gave her some description of what it would be like. However, she confirmed Rey’s fears, that the first time would not be pleasant.

Ben sensed her anxiety and told her as he lightly brushed her face with his hand, “Hey, we don’t have to do anything tonight if you don’t want to. We can continue exploring each other or we can just rest. I know the trip tired you.”

“No, no, I want to.” She assured him. “I’m just a bit nervous that’s all.” She was afraid of telling him what it was that she feared. 

But somehow it seemed like he figured it out because he told her, “We’ll take it slow. Ok?”

She just nodded in response before he bent down to kiss her again. As they kissed, he slowly started to slip the dress off her. She followed by taking the off his cape. They slowly kept undressing each other until they were both undressed in front of each other.

He slowly guided her to the bed and laid her down. He started by kissing her, tracing his tongue along her lips asking for permission and then as she gave him entrance mingling it with hers.

As they kissed he used his hands to caress her body. When they broke off, both were out of breath. He continued to place kisses down her neck, going down on her breasts. Even though it was painful, Rey loved it as he sucked and licked her breasts and how it aroused her. He made his way down to her mound. He first used his fingers to stimulate her then slid them through her folds.

“Gods, Rey, you’re so wet. I can’t wait to taste you again.” He told her as she was moaning from the effect his ministrations were having on her.

Then like the last time he placed his mouth on her biting and sucking on her clit as he used his fingers to stretch her out. Last time she noticed he had only used two fingers, but this time he added a third.

“Is this, ok?” He asked her, but all she could do was nod as she moaned.

She had to admit the stretching feeling did feel a bit uncomfortable, but adding his mouth into the equation made it barely noticeable and oh so tolerable.

She was now thankful that none of their guests had stayed behind because she was sure the moans coming out of her could be heard across.

Ben kept pleasuring her with his fingers and his mouth, until she came hard, screaming his name. 

He then moved up to kiss her and she could taste herself on his tongue.

“I don’t think I will ever tire of tasting you” he told her after their kiss. “It’s as if I was drinking nectar made by the gods.”

She blushed as he told her this. She was still in awe as to how much this man loved her.

Ben started tracing her skin again like he was writing calligraphy on her. He looked her in the eyes and asked, “Are you sure, you want to do this? Remember we don’t have to, if you don’t want.”

“No, I want to. I’m ready” she assured him.

“Okay, then I think it will be easier if you’re on top. It will just give you more control. Is that ok?”

She nodded and he helped her straddle him. 

She noticed he was already hard and ready for her. Just looking at his cock made her think again how they were going to fit, but she knew that it wasn’t going to stop her from bonding herself to him in every way.

Before she moved forward she grabbed hold of his shaft and started to stroke it. 

He made a hissing noise and moaned as he threw his head back. She liked pleasuring him.

But mid way he stopped her by telling her, “Rey, love, you have to stop that or I’m not going to last.”

She stopped her ministrations on him and just looked at him. He asked her if she was ready and she just nodded. 

Ben helped her guide himself into her.

She started taking him in slowly. Inch by inch she could feel her walls stretching. It was not as pleasant as when he would go down on her, but she knew it would get better.

As he reached her barrier, she stood still. She did not know if whether to keep going slow or to have him break it in a swift movement. Ben must have guessed her dilemma because he reached out through their bond and asked, “Do you want me to?”

She settled to just have him break it in one swift movement and so she nodded.

To say it was not painful would be a lie. She felt the sting as he broke through and could feel the tears coming out of her from the pain.

“Are you ok? Do you want to stop? We don’t have to do this, tonight. We can take as long as you want.”

She could sense the panic in his voice. She explained to him that it was normal for her to experience pain the first time and that all she needed was a bit of time to adjust to the feeling of him inside her. 

After the pain receded a bit she felt brave enough to move. Ben helped her guide her movements by grabbing onto her hips. It was still painful, but it was also pleasurable.

As she sunk down on him again, Ben had his eyes closed and moaned out, “Force, Rey, you’re so tight. I hope I can last long enough to make you come.”

“It’s ok if I don’t, you already made me come before this.” She told him moaning.

As she moved herself on top of him, as her clit rubbed itself on his pelvic area, she could feel the pleasure increasing. She lightly raked her hands across his chest and heard him hiss as if it was increasing his pleasure as well.

They were both panting and moaning as they both moved meeting each other’s thrusts. The pleasure was intensifying, and the pain didn’t feel as bad anymore. The way he was holding her, the way he felt inside her was heavenly. But she could tell Ben was close to finishing. That didn’t stop him from making sure he made her come as well. 

He reached a hand between where there bodies met and began to rub on her clit. And oh by the gods what it was making her feel. It was as if a choir of the Force started singing around them. She could feel herself getting close. “Force, Ben, I think I’m close. Oh, so good please keep going. Oh, gods, I think I’m going to, ungh, I’m gonna...” She was doubtful if he could hear her because as she was reaching her climax, it felt like she could not breathe from the feeling that was coming on. 

“Let go love, I got you, I got you.” He told her breathlessly through pants.

Just then she felt her core tightening and her release came in waves. His followed right after and she felt as he came inside her. He screamed out her name as his spend hit her walls. 

She collapsed on top of him as she came down from her high. She felt as if she was becoming undone in his arms. 

They held each other for what felt like hours as they both came down from their post coital high. Then he slowly pulled out of her.

“That was amazing.” He said smiling at her. “Probably the best experience of my life.”

She responded by kissing him and when they broke off she smiled and said, “It was amazing. I love you Ben Solo and I want to spend the rest of my life wrapped around you.”

“I love you too, Rey Solo. Force, I love the sound of that” he told her showing off that signature smile of his.

She smiled as she realized she loved the sound of it too. Sleep was starting to take her and even though she tried to stifle a yawn. He caught on to it.

Ben kissed her forehead and then placed a chaste kiss on her mouth, then told her, “Sleep my love. I’ll be here when you wake holding you in my arms.” Then her eyes fluttered close as sleep took her. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I’m not going to provide a timeline of when I will finish this because this final year of school is kicking my behind. I however do not want to give up on it because I find it as a coping mechanism to all the stress. Anyway, the song that inspired this chapter was the song that inspired this story in the first place, Camila Cabello’s Living Proof. Thank you to all for reading.


End file.
